FWIW, my W's actions are similar to yours. She has never admitted to me that the EA went as far as a PA - I only know that from back in the days of snooping. She doesn't talk about it, and we don't go purge at MC.
I agree, it's not the way that I would like to deal with this stuff. But your comment about dealing the hand you are dealt rings very true with me.
I can tell you that my M is continuing to improve, in spite of the lack of resolution about the A. I recognize that this is more about my W's attitude about herself - particularly that she is hyper-sensitive to being judged by other people, and that would certainly include the M counselor. It would be a huge leap to have that conversation be a constructive and helpful one.
I guess I don't have any great advice, other than to say - I think that this approach can work, even if it feels slow and like you are ignoring things that you would like 'aired'. My W wants to just forget it and move on, and that's what I'm doing too. I'll tell you that I am succeeding at this - I almost never think about her A or the scumbag OM any more, and I focus on the present and the future instead. Life is good.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
