3 years ago when w 'found her soulmate' and needed a divorce it was a lot harder to deal with - her leaving for another man.
In this cycle, she started out in January pursuing a married man who 'loved his wife' and that was hard for me because it was a lot like 'leaving for another man'. But it didn't progress into a full blown affair and we spent several months on the rollercoaster.
Now, she's in a full blown affair with someone different, someone who is nowhere near as strong as I am. Someone she met who came to her friends house when he was weak, and found her there.
It doesn't hurt as much.
Why? I think because she didn't 'leave me for him'. Instead, she 'left me', went back and forth and while in her dysfunctional state, when circumstances were right, she met OM.
So, it's like he's a symptom of her disease. And I guess that since I've been through this before I can accept it and let it go.
What I don't understand is why I still think I'd 'take her back'. I mean, she's a two time adulterer. She has left me 3 times. She is not a supportive wife.
Why? Why do we forgive them and let them choose to return if they want to? Are we codependent? Foolish? what?
It's not because we can't find someone else. Eventually many of us DO, yet we are still willing to give them a chance IF they show real remorse and a willingness to try their best.
Why?
I guess for me, it's because when I made the commitment to her, it was real. I wasn't always happy about it but I learned to love who she is on the inside, beyond the hurt and pain.
The little girl inside. I love that little girl. More than her daddy ever did.
