Thanks for watching out for me. Work has been really busy and I haven't been feeling well. I'm feeling better today, but I think my new meds played a part in that too. The doctor told me that I might be a bit sick to my stomach and have a bit of a headache. It was more than just a bit, so maybe I had a bug too.
As I said, thankfully work has been busy. We have our office outing tomorrow. We do a 3 hour cruise of one of the local lakes, have lunch & a few drinks. It's very relaxing.
As far as home goes, well, I'll be honest and put it all out there. H is at my place. Yep, pretty much living there. I thought I was strong, but after seeing him sleep in his car, seeing D4's hysterical reaction to seeing him leave and honestly, his smooth talk, I allowed him back in. I did make it clear that communication with OW while in MY home was not allowed. I have not come across any evidence of that. I still don't have my internet hooked up at home either, so that helps too. Yes, they are still in touch. I do know that. How has H been? Very helpful with everything and very patient (for the most part) with D4. H asked me to dinner last week and I went. H called me last weekend while I was at my parents house and asked if I would want to go out of town with him this weekend. I agreed. I'm not sure what it's all about, but I want to see what comes of it. I'm trying like heck to keep things in perspective by telling myself that this might just be a fun weekend or just my H doing what he has to do to get through this time until he can move and it will all be over anyway. I'll be hurt. I know I will, but I also know that I'll survive. I'll be okay. I'll still have D4 and seeing her sweet little face sleeping this morning reinforced that for me. I know that a lot of people off of this board and maybe some on it don't understand. And yes, to answer a question that's probably running through some minds.....we have been intimate....a lot. H has been sleeping in bed. We have a couch that he slept on all the time when we were in our old apartment but for some reason, he's been sleeping in bed. And, he's been coming closer to me in other ways.
I guess the only choice I have is to talk to my H to see what he's thinking. Am I just a stop and a place to stay or is his mind changing and is he realizing that being with us is a good thing.
I had a great time when I went home. I saw friends that I haven't seen in quite a while. Even one that I hadn't seen for about 15 years. It was nice and I got a lot of compliments telling me how good I looked. How nice did that feel!! Before leaving for home, I asked H what he was doing for the weekend. He said, nothing. I said, I know this may not sit right with you, but I have to say it. OW is NOT allowed in my home. H looked at me like I was crazy for even suggesting that he'd do it. I didn't care. I had to say it.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
I hope that the time of rejection helped him to see himself and the precariousness of his position a little more clearly. In my opinion, giving your marriage another chance is a good thing to do. It would be better if your H would start going to AA meetings. His lawyer should have instructed him to do that anyway. The judge looks for that in DUI cases.
Sue, It is so nice to hear from you. I'm sorry you haven't been feeling well.
Sue, you know your situation better than anyone. You have to do what you feel is right for you and your daughter. It is hard to turn your back on the ones that you love, no matter how they have treated you. Who knows how it will turn out, but you will know in your heart that you have done everything possible to save your family. Some may call it a doormat, but if it feels okay to you and you can handle it, then it's okay. You know my record, I have been a "doormat" over and over. I really get mad at myself and feel weak, but I feel the clarity will come to me and I will know whether to stand for my marriage or move on. You know I wish you the best and will support you in whatever you do. This is one of the toughest journeys you will ever encounter, but just know you have handled it with grace and dignity.
Hugs, Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I think something that may be important for you to feel is that this is your choice on how to proceed...not that you are doing this just because you feel guilty, or pressured or trapped.
You're making the choice, you're the one exhibiting enormous compassion. If you feel good in your own skin about this, then that matters a lot!
I agree with the others Sue - I certainly would not want you to turn your back on your marriage if you feel there is hope for it.
If it was me, I would be pushing H for a sign that he was really changing his ways - and the best sign of that, I think, would be to address his alcoholism.
In any case, hoping the best for you, your D, and your H too.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Sue, you are such a sweet, honest person! I agree with everyone else of course! As long as it is your choice and you are happy with it, I am happy for you! Yeah, I agree with Rob about the alcoholism stuff; yeah, didn't the court order some kind of counseling for that??? I thought that was pretty standard. ((((Sue)))) Karen
Karen