The Door That Never Closes!

[Treese]

Hello everyone...thanks for checking on me....

I've still been very down this past week....the depression is really setting in....I was on a hunt for therapist today but no luck....H's insurance is tough....I can't seem to stop crying....I'm good for a little while then I just start sobbing...I have been praying alot....asking God for my answers and of course nothing....I know in his time but really everyone....I am going crazy....

I did lay into my H today...couldn't help it....I'm ticked...ticked that he didnt come see his daughter right away and do you want to know his response....he said, "well, I saw her for an hour on Sunday,(he hasn't seen her since May), and it was like prying answers out of her and then she went up to her room, you know how she is, she's always been like that"....I said, "What?,,,she talked to me for 3 days....it's like he was ok with it....like it was our fault or something....his voice makes me just want to slap him silly...doesnt he realize WHY she won't talk to him? For real now....then I told him he needed to help me with the kids and school...he said I am helping.....taking my son 10 days in the past 8 months is NOT helping....that's a babysitter....I didn't say that to him but I thought it....Then I said my life is F***** up....I'm tired of being lonely and waking up alone...I'm tired of him acting like I don't exist.I have feelings.., then I just said, I gotta go and hung up....sorry all but it just kind of came out....and I don't feel bad about it at all....sorry about that too....but I've been holding so much in...crying....trying to move on with my life and I CANT...I start to then bam...right back.....I really didn't say too much but I know it hurts my DBing....guess you gotta take the good with the bad....

this is as close as i've been to wanting to throw in the towel...I'm exhausted....I want to be loved....to hold someone, to be held...to be the center of someones world....I deserve to be...this MLC is crap....I hate it...I just want to run away....

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.............well, at least I got to vent it.....

thanks everyone for caring....