Things went ok.. there were some tense moments, but all in all, it was ok. We both kept things polite & as upbeat as we could. Most of the time one or both of us were in that mode.
When there were times where 'drama' would have occured in the past, one of us or both, effectively walked away from it.
My first night back home, with just me & the kids, I remember taking a really 'deep breath'. I felt as if I had been holding my breath most of the time, but didn't realize I was until then.
I hadn't realized how much I have gotten use to having my 'alone time' and not having to answer to anyone about my actions/decisions. By the time vacation was over, it was starting to feel like 'walking on eggshells' again, not bad, just antsy.
The drama that occurred on Saturday was from some bad talks that arose from counseling on unrelated issues, but for me I think some of the stress from 'holding my breath' on vacation came out during that fight.
How do I feel about it? It reinforced for me how uncomfortable I still am around H for long periods of time. I enjoy his company for a while, but the 'comfortable stretches of time' we used to enjoy with each other seem to have evaporated.
We went out to a wine bar one night at DuPont Circle, which was fun, but just not the same.
I love to people watch and H has always loved the stories I spin about the people I see. It just didn't seem to have the vivaciousness that is has in the past. It felt forced to some extent, like we were both acting out roles in a play.
To use Kalni's puzzle analogy... the 2 pieces sort of fit, but when you really stepped back to look, the colors where the two pieces touched, were not matching.
Counseling again tomorrow.
I started back to some department meetings today for part of the day.. that was stressful. Not sure I'm ready to start this school year.
S18 leaves for college a week from tomorrow. A week from tonight will be his last night in my house (or maybe his Dad's) until Thanksgiving. He is out again tonight for what is probably the last of many 'good-bye' parties he & his friends have been having for the past 3 weeks.
sigh... and life goes on.
Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
