Hi, thank you so much for looking me up and writing on my thread. To answer some of your statements, yes I think that staying fit and healthy has so much to do with one's mental attitude. However, ever since I've had Fibromyalgia it seems every year gets harder and harder. If I'm not in pain, then I barely have enough energy to make it through a work day. Some days I have had to miss work simply b/c I did not have the physical energy to make it. Chronic fatigue is part of Fibromyalgia and I know it probably sounds like an excuse, but if you had known me 20 years ago.......you would understand why this is hard for me to accept. I am probably one of the older people here on the board.....don't know for sure b/c most won't tell their ages that are past 55.....lol. Just kidding. I do agree that happiness does seem to lend a hand in giving us a zest for life. That is what I desire to have back again.....more than anything.
Yes, I do give my H kisses and hugs and I tell him I love him. I do try to remember to thank him for doing things for me. I've never been one to get mushy about "admiration" and I know that is important to a man, but I always felt so "fake" about trying to do it.
As far as the TV situation......I have tried everything!!! I have even used sex as a distraction! But, once that was over, right back in front of the TV he would go. He has always been that way. I was addicted to TV for years, also. When I was.....it was okay b/c he never wanted to play games or go to sports or do anything that I considered to be "fun" things to do. He was like an old man when I married him.......I just thought he was acting like Gary Cooper at the time....lol. I know, you don't even know who Gary Cooper was! But, I saw him as being the "strong silent type" of guy when all alone, he just didn't know anything to say! Oh well, I sure didn't bring any of that out of him. He never would talk to me when he came in from work, never would talk about dreams, goals, our future, what he wanted.....nothing. He did not talk about intimate things other than he never got enough sex.....and that just turned me off. B/c he never fulfilled me emotionally, then we began having sexual problems and then I was not fulfilling him sexually. Sad to say, but I wasn't fulfilled sexually from the get go. We had problems all down through our married life about sex. It was always my fault....no matter what I tried, it wasn't good enough or something. What ever the problem really was....he always brought it back to "sex".....not enough sex. So, I prayed and prayed for decades that God would just please put in me the desire for my H. I actually thought something was adnormal about me. Well, finally.....after so many years of waiting, I reached my sexual peek (or peak?)(can't remember which way to spell that...lol). Strangley enough, just as I did, he stopped cold turkey without a word and has not touched me since. That was over 12 years ago! So, yes, I was a wayward wife and had an EA with a man on-line. I never was unfaithful in a PA or even met the OM in real life. Strange as it may seem, I never even thought about looking at another man up until that happened. It was horrible to see how my H reacted. He became a person I did not recognize, but then I suppose that is how he saw me too. He was so angry and he spied and snooped and tried to set me up to catch me. He took the web cam away and done everything he could think of. It made me feel like a child and I rebelled like one too. I came so close to leaving him. But, we had been M for 40 years and were grandparents. How could I do that to my family? Anyway, to make a long story short, I stopped contact with OM and decided to stay with my H. It was a very long hard year and it has been very slow moving.....but then so are we...lol. Seriously, I know that our life doesn't move along as quickly as young couples with kids still at home, etc. Everyday is pretty much the same around here. My life consists of trying to put in a day's work b/c I have to work to pay for insurance. I come home and crash, eat a bite of supper and try to watch a TV program with him. By then he is asleep and I come to the computer to talk to you guys.
I do try to see the good in my H. I know that he is a good man. I know that he loves me and if it had been turned the other way around......I would have left him so fast it would have made his head spin. So, he is very forgiving and he is trying real hard to trust me again. At least he is showing that to me in his actions that I can see. I wonder somethimes if he still checks the computer out....but he won't find anything there.
Hope I didn't bore you. I have talked to so many people that I forget if I've told this to whom....lol. So, if you've heard it before, please over-look me.....I may do it again before it's over. (lol)
We are all here for one another. I'm glad you are on board. I can tell you, it was a few wise people that did not shun an almost WAW when I came here and was kind enough to help me see the light. For that, I hope I can pay it forward.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
