S, Barb and the other posters have all given you excellent advice. Listen to what they are saying because they've traveled the road you are on.
It's sad to say this, but you can't fix this situation. That's one of the very hard lessons that we learn on this self awareness journey that we are on....this is something we can't fix this time around. The only thing we can do is fix and/or take care of ourselves. We all needed to learn to just leave the spouses out there to find themselves and pray that they will wake up on day as whole, mature adults.
If your h is like a large majority of them, he's lashing out at you and yes, he's angry w/himself and he wants you to be angry w/him and hoping to push you hard enough that you'll file. They don't want to do the work to file for a divorce because they can go around and say "see, she filed." They want to be seen as the kind and loving person that everyone thinks they are, but the mirror image comes out only to us and those closest to him.
Take care of yourself, find things to keep yourself busy and if you are looking for a job, get your resume in order and start sending it out. Keep the focus on you and your family. Leave your h out there to swing in the wind.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
