Ready to GAL...Drop the Rope...Detach..2...

[ddstartingover]

CMNW - can't say I don't deserve everything you've written to me. I know I deserve it, and more. Unfortunately, it doesn't get me out of the hole I'm in. I know that I'm the only one that can do that, and I'm sorry for making you feel like I don't appreciate all the advice I'm getting.

I will be the first to admit that I have serious problems. I will be the first to admit that I did not continue to grow over the years. I know that I have A LOT of work to do on myself, and yes, after being here for over a year, you would think I would know how and would have learned more. The pain, however, is not going away, and I guess I just suck at all of this.

I'm not mad about your assessment for my reason to contact my H today. You're wrong. If I would have thought about it and waited until the crying had stopped, I would not have added the part about making me feel alone. I don't want him to feel guilty. I don't want him back out of guilt. I don't know if I want him back at all----not if who he is now is who he will be for the next 50 years. After I've thought about it, I wish I would have just waited and told the kids tonight myself, but it's too late.

Maybe a kick in the ass got you to where you are now. Maybe it was a lot of mistakes and learning from them got you to this point you are at. Maybe I will learn from my mistakes too, and maybe, just maybe we all need to make some mistakes to get us to the other side.

I'm sorry that I'm such a slow learner, and I'm sorry that I come here to let out some of my emotion. Yes, I feel like I've been [censored] on (by my H) and then some. Yes, I KNOW that my faults are many and that I contributed to the failure of my marriage. Do I want to save it? YES. Do I need to stop making mistakes? Yes, unfortunately, I'm an emotional wreck, and the mistakes will continue to happen until I get control. Does it help ME to be criticized at every mistake?? No. Will I continue to welcome EVERYBODY'S advice. YES. I appreciate your efforts to tell me what you thought you needed to hear, and some day it may all sink in and I will be where you are at.

Maybe I just need to stop posting until I get control.