Trixi and His Highness

[Trixi]

Yeah, good idea about buying it anyway. I would probably be "short" about $600/mo, but compared to running two whole separate households, that's nothing.

So, he came over last night and we did the "Farmer's Market Haul" experience. How *I* think it *should* happen is that both of us go and then have the whole experience immediately after. It should be like this: We go and pick out our fresh goodness for dinner; flowers; go and get a good bottle of wine. Come back to the house; heat up roasted veggie foccacia as appetizer while putting foods away. Drink wine, have appetizer;chit chat; putter. Prep meat for BBQ. Prep veggies for salad. eat salad. meat on bbq. more fresh veg w/meat. break. Fresh homehade icecream with fruit from market. BUT, since we didn't go together on Sunday, we crammed what I think should take about 4 hours into about 2.5, but it was still nice.

ANYWAY-
Got travel catalog in mail and so during our salads, I started reading about some different trips. There is one from Panama to Seattle that is 22 days and about $2800/pp (incl air). It includes stops in the Bahamas, Columbia, Panama Canal, Costa Rica, 4 stops in Mexico, San Diego and Victoria. So H says "hmm..that's sounds like a one I would want to do. When is it?" (April 18-May 10) He takes the brochure from me and says "yeah, that looks fun. ...but I'd have to spend 22 days with you. ha ha. I don't know...ha ha."

There was some other thing where he paid me a compliment, but with the "arm's length" disclaimer. (can't remember now what it was). But when we were outside I referenced it and the cruise thing and said "what's the deal with you?" and he said "I'm keeping you at bay I guess." I say "why?" and he says "Because I'm afraid....Afraid if we get back together I will want to leave again." I didn't say much. I think I just said "hmmm..." For a second, tears welled up, but the sadness was quickly replaced with the thought "that's why I'm gonna have to buy this house. You're an f'ing idiot" and I felt more annoyed than anything. I guess I could have said I was having the same fear, but I didn't want to get into a heavy duty R talk.

EDITED to add: OMG, I just remembered something else. He says to me "You have the nicest [body parts] I have ever seen, so far." I said ""So Far"? You are a total sh!t-head, you know that? "So far". What an a$$." He laughed. I think this goes along with the keeping me at bay thing. gah!

At some point during the evening, I said "What are you going to do when you push me away so much that I just give up and move on?" He looked at me sorta confused. I dropped it.

We played cribbage for the first time in AGES. (Used to do that all the time, so it was fun to play again.) He seemed to be battling himself through out the night; sort of a 'darn it, I like her, but I don't want to like her." I guess that goes along with giving a compliment but sort of blunting it to keep me at bay.

During dinner he says "I'm gonna be gone from Thursday to Saturday for a guys camping trip" (with a tone like it was news to me) and I said "Yeah, I know. Remember, I told you not to rent the Harley for that weekend because I was busy and roommate said you had a guys camping trip?" and he says "oh yeah...what are you doing?" and I explained the whole glass thing. I said I might stay over in my jeep friday and he got worried about me sleeping in the car. Awww. I think there will be other people camping out, so it should be okay...

At different times thru out the night (when he was doing a 'keep me at bay' action) I would think "dude, you are pushing it too far. Don't keep f'ing with me. You're gonna be sorry." Was I ready to verbalize that? No. More than likely, I won't fully verbalize it until it's too late. I am trying to drop hints now. If I say anything now, I am worried it will escalate things before I am emotionally ready. But I feel myself getting there. And I will attempt to keep an eye on my feelings so that I don't turn into the WAW...but......