After she does some errands, she's giving me the Prius keys and taking the minivan. She is beat down pretty bad.
Man this sucks, it's all I can do to keep reassuring her that I'm not trying to punish her, that I want her to be ok. It's all I can do to not break down and cry for her.
I know I'm doing the right thing - no longer enabling her. Sometimes the right thing hurts.
You have taken the first step towards living the rest of your life and living it well. It's up to her if she decides she wants to get on board when she sees where Frank is headed. Then the work will be on her shoulders. You should not - CAN not - bank on that happening, though.
No, I won't bank on it. She seems pretty done. I don't wish her a bad life. I don't want to hurt her. I just want my life to be better and the only way that will happen is when I respect MYSELF.
And more than that, I've paid the consequences for my choices over and over again. She's still owes the consequence bank a lot and I've protected her from this debt.
I'm hurt, I'm crying inside, but so is she. She doesn't want to go.
I wonder Amy, is this the beginning of the time where you said "When is someone going to be afraid they might lose FRANK?"
We'll see. She's pretty upset. I'm sure it will turn to anger.
I somehow feel she is not done with Frank. While she is on her own, I think it is very possible that she will realize what she is going to lose in him. Will it be enough to change her life?
Even if one of you files for a D, in the state of California there is a 6 month wait - that is a long time and a lot can happen before anything is final.
You probably need to determine some conditions you need before you let her back into your life. Let her be the one to convince you that the marriage can be repaired. Keep an open mind.
Only you can decide if you have a drinking problem. Only you can do something about it if you do think you have a problem. AA is not the only way to give up. The AA stuff does work, I know that for myself.
I lost my w through my own drinking and only stopped when it was far too late. So I lost my w, stopped drinking and did get a life. Something I didn't really have whilst I was on the pi$$.
I do not consider myself an alcoholic anymore, but I will admit that I did have a major drinking problem. There are people who are alcoholic and need to go to AA type groups, those people are and will be in recovery for ever.
I myself know that I will never drink again, the things that have happened post bomb have not given me a reason to take a drink and I cannot foresee anything happening in the future thats going to be more traumatic than what has happened in these last three years except, possibly the finale of all this, the big D.
I would be carefull about getting the 'alcoholic' label attached to your name in any shape or form. It can come back and bite you.
Have a google for rational recovery and above all look after yourself.
Frank, Just wanted to say Hi! I'm sorry you are finding yourself in the place you are in right now; but, I am really proud of the way you are handling everything. You told your w what your boundaries were and she tested them.
Sometimes, we just have to do what is best for us, as well as our children...no matter how much it hurts.
I was really impressed w/ the things your daughter said to you last night. She reminds me of my own daughter; they both are mature beyond their years.
I was also glad to read that you went to an AA meeting. It takes courage to do that. You and I have discussed your drinking before. Obviously, I cannot/am not saying you have a problem; but, it's good that you are willing to do something about it, regardless.
You are a strong man, Frank. You WILL get through this, no matter the outcome. Trust in YOURSELF!!!
You're in my prayers!
deb
P.S. My dad has an African Gray Parrot. He is such a hoot. Like yours, he calls the dog....he rings like the telephone, answers the phone, and then carries on a conversation w/ himself, says "Good-bye", and hangs up. He is such great entertainment. Sadly, he will probably outlive us all...lol!
I looked at some videos of the African Gray and this one seems to be the most amazing (too many others had dirty words) as it interacts quite well on stage:
I have to admit, I watched a few of the foul mouthed parrot videos and just about split my gut with laughter. I could not imagine having a foul mouthed parrot and having my mother come over to visit.
She packed up a lot of her stuff in the minvan. Then she went to D12's room to say goodbye. D12 wouldn't talk to her, told her to get out of her room.
W stood in the doorway bawling and begging D12 to let her say good bye but D12 said she doesn't want to talk to her or to me, just leave her alone. This went on for about 5 minutes until W just said "I'll call you" and left her alone.
She went to D17's room and D17 gave her a hug and a goodbye. D17 didn't cry. I think she understands this has to happen.
Her friend came over to pick up her kid whom D17 was babysitting. I don't know what she told her but when I saw her friend while W was in the bathroom she gave me a sympathy look, like she's sad we are going through this. I don't know if she knows W is having an affair.
When W left she was crying hard. Then about 5 minutes later she called me on the phone, still crying, telling me she needed to come back for some things she forgot. I said "no problem, it's really ok".
she came back and was only a minute, then left.
D12 went in the bathroom and had a bath. When she came out I went to check in on her and she quietly asked me to leave her alone for a while, which I did.
D17 went out with her boyfriend for dinner.
I feel like such a heel. But I didn't MAKE her go, I convinced her she was causing too much damage to me, and indirectly to the girls so she HAD to go. I stood for what I believe in and for my own protection.
I love this woman, and have made sure she knows it. I am so sad to see everything implode like this. I hope she thinks what she's doing is worht the pain she's causing.
