I've seen a few familiar faces around the board over the last few minutes. It has been over 8 months since I've been on here, that was about the time I threw in the towel and quit fighting it. Good thing I did, things went relatively painless. XW stayed involved w/ OM up through April. Then jumped into another R with a younger guy from my hometown (60 miles away)! Divorce was final on 6/20.
Now, for the two main reasons I am back here...
First and foremost, I am seriously worried about what my kids are being subjected to. Since March the X has been in habit of going out clubbing when the kids are with her. In late April she rear-ended someone while absolutely hammered drunk on one of these occasions. Strange man (future boyfriend) brought two falling down drunk women (X and her buddy) back to house at 3AM when they were supposed to be home at 11PM. My oldest was babysitting my other three and the three of X's friend. Oldest got VERY pissed. X swore next day she would never go to clubs again when she had kids. She could have been hurt/killed, hurt/killed someone else, or been arrested. She got lucky.
Within one week she was back at it and continues to this day. This past Friday night she told them she would be home by midnight and rolled in at 4AM w/ no key to house or cell phone to call. Had to knock on door and wake kids up.
She goes out to clubs weekly on nights she has kids. My oldest comments that if that is the way she acts when kids are around then how does she act when they aren't around. Two weeks ago she went out and left my 15 year old and her buddy to return to empty house after going on car date with two 16 year olds. I was not happy that I wasn't consulted on 15 year old going "out" on "car date", and that her Mom wasn't home until 1:30 AM to verify that they got home on time and that boys left immediately. She dismissed my concerns.
I am concerned that my kids, who led very upper middle class life, somewhat wholesome and strict parents, are now being subjected to a bar fly mom who puts her own wants before them. It is only a matter of time until she has something very bad happen to her on one of these times when kids are left alone.
My question... I am VERY worried that I am going to have to seek custody of the kids. Can I do anything and what should I do?
Now for the stupid kicker question that I already know the answer to...
Since just before the D was final, up until just two days ago, she will hit a phase every few days where she calls me asking if we should "date", if I miss her, etc.
I know these coincide with "down times" in her other relationshipos, or low moments in her dealings with the kids. I know I don't want to go back to what I was in before but I worry that if I totally blow her off she is just going to get deeper into the crap (described above) that she is wading in.
As for me, I've been doing fine. Busy, Busy at work and I've met several nice and extremely attractive women who are now my friends. After what I've been through I know I do not, nor could I have, a serious relationship with anyone. So... everything is just loosy goosey and I enjoy my time with them.
So, let's hear it you wise people! Tell me this is a "normal" progression and that things are going to be okay. Tell me that I don't have to worry about my kids being absolutely ashamed of what their mother is becoming. Tell me I'm worried about nothing and that I need to just sit back and watch how all this pans out before I do anything.
