Dar - My daughter has always been sort of a black sheep, too.
There is absolutely no cause for it but it's my own mother that treats D12 different than my son (15) and my niece (10). It used to frustrate me so terribly and I cried a lot too. It took one day about 2 - 2 1/2 years ago when my daughter and I were riding home from my mom's house and my daughter said "Mom, why doesn't Nanny like me?" for me to finally really address it with my daughter. We sat in our (back then) driveway that day and talked for about half an hour. I told my daughter all the wonderful qualities she has such as her bubbly personality, etc...I reminded her of all the people that have always come up to us and remarked how warm her personality is (ever since kindergarten this has happened) and how kindhearted she is and how beautiful. I told her that for whatever reason, my mother has always seen fit to choose "favorites" ever since she was a kid (as told to me by my grandmother years ago). I explained to her that my mother's behavior was unacceptable and that it was my mother's loss because she would never know what a wonderful child D12 is. I then told her that she would never be made to go over there again and stay with my mother and to this day, she hasn't been. Once in a while my mom calls her to see how she's doing and once in an even greater while, D12 will ask if we can "go by and see Nan". I take her. She gets her fill rather quickly. My biggest hope is that my daughter not be harmed by my mother's inability to love more than one person at a time and I will do everything in my power to make sure D12 knows it's not her fault and that she is wonderful just the way she is.
Just the other day I was at my moms and she told me that someone at church remarked to someone else that my daughter wears too much eye makeup. I can assure you right here and now that is NOT true. She wears very little and the tones are very subdued because her father nor I would let her out of the house otherwise. But mom started to criticize something she hadn't even seen for herself and I called her on it immediately. I no longer sweep it under the rug. For years my grandma and my aunt told me my mom didn't treat D12 fairly whenever they would all get together (when mom babysat for me). But it took my daughter realizing it and commenting on it to get me to open my eyes and address it. I did also address it with my mother.
My sister only has the one child. I suspect if she had another, the oldest would be the fave as my S15 is. It's disgusting and we hurt for our kids but we need to just be extra sure to lift these girls up so they know they are not lacking anything - it is their grandmothers that are lacking.
