well- thats good you told your H...maybe he'll take your advice and see a doc...who knows...they can take months to follow up on any health issues- sometimes never !!
I know that IF he does have a chemical imbalance, as I told him in the e-mail, it doesn't negate all the other stuff: that we hurt each other, our pasts, etc. It just may be a baseline that is fairly easy to raise, it may address part of his sexual issue, but not all of it--because it also may be due to other psychological factors. All of which I've discussed with you guys. Now I think I've told you guys EVERYTHING I know about the issue. Sigh--it's a complex thing.
But...it's his deal if he wants to go to a doctor or take it seriously. I felt kind of morally obligated to tell him what I found out, but I can't control what he does about it.
BTW, guys--I'm just really enjoying myself these days. I've been trying to take pleasure in every activity I do, and smile more. And it's been working! I'm gonna go to a couple of events (by myself!) this week that sound interesting. Have a friend coming into town for the weekend, gonna pick up my iPhone sometime this week, am going to start making holiday travel plans.
It's weird how I can't quite remember now, what it felt like a few months (OK, weeks!) ago when I was sick to my stomach and crying all the time. I'm glad I can't completely remember--what I do remember was horrible. I still cry sometimes, but it feels SO much better to be detached and know that whatever happens, I will be OK.
Every night for the past few, I've been writing out my negative thoughts, and countering them with rational arguments, and it really helps to defeat them. When I think of them again, they lose their power, because I've already debated them in my mind. It is helping me get over some of the most hurtful things I say to myself, and if I had to go through the pain with my H to stop telling myself those things...
this whole thing may have been worth it.
Or is that because I can't remember what it felt like?
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
