Thanks for your post Whapu. I can understand your feelings of helplessness...and I'm concerned about the hopeless tone of what you wrote. Really concerned.
I want to point something out to you: from your post, it appears that most everything that is causing you stress, anxiety, anger is coming from WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE DOING/SAYING. Maybe I'm missing something here (and I know you're worn down beyond your last nerve), but you're allowing circumstances beyond your control to control you.
You are NOT alone. You do not have to do this by yourself. You do not have to accept and absorb the negativity around you, nor do you have to cut and run.
When I say 'take care of yourself', I'm not necessarily talking about being selfish with your time--not that I think you are, but I can see the conflict that arises from your efforts to get some space. I'm talking about connecting with the loveable, admirable, dignified Whapu buried deep inside your beaten-down exterior. I'm talking about changing your negative self-talk to loving, affirming conversations with yourself. I'm talking about remembering/finding what it is about you that makes you YOU: learning to REALLY love yourself. That happens internally, it's helpful if you can come up with GAL activities to find it, but sometimes the best GAL activities aren't visible to anyone.
This is what I mean by detaching. I mean separating your worth from the reactions of your family and acquaintances. It's hard to do. But it's vital. Because no matter how many mistakes you make, no matter how you're treated, deep down, you have many good qualities, they're just waiting for the opportunity to shine.
