Please help me to not give up............

[grant]

TD, Please do not in any way feel responsible for the way my convo went. That was entirely my doing. I fell into the same old traps, and even though I knew I should try to diffuse it, it was the first time I had spoken to her on line, and she was confrontational and angry. She did what she has done before in that she emailed me to kind of apologise, but to affirm that she's truly done.
She said:-
"For me this is about our marriage breaking down in such a bad way that i don't think it can be mended, Grant please believe how i wish i could feel so differently and that this never happened. **** is not the problem here, we had our problems before and i do take some responsibility for that. You think that me talking to him has clouded my judgement, it hasn't, if i thought i could save our marriage then i would try my hardest darling, you know me well enough to know that i am a good person and that what you have done to me has affected me so badly."

Seems like she is acknowledging some responsibilty for our problems. But I must find a way to stop allowing the OM issue to divert my goals. I have told her in a reply to her email, that I have not given up hope, and that I don't want a D, though ultimately that's her choice.
Thanks TD for helping to pick me up off the floor with your positive vibes and encouragement in the face of what appears to be seriously terrifying odds.

Lola, You are an absolute gem, and your thoughts and expression of care for my situation are enormously appreciated. I do feel that 19 years is a very long time, and am trying to hold on to the positive. I feel slightly encouraged that you feel she is exhibiting "classic " symptoms. At least it gives me an idea of what I'm really up against here. Trying to "breathe"............

She has asked if I want to come home to see the boys, and that we discuss what options we have. I had hoped that she might be at least partially open to me spending more time at home, but it really doesn't feel like she's in any way open to that right now. She's insisting that if I do come home to visit, then she'll move out. Feels like I have to try to slow this thing DOWN. I hope Lola that you're right about it getting easier with time. But she sure seems to be saying that we're right out of time. I will try to get back to the goal thing, and to try to focus on being a friend and dad, and a better person. I realise that I'm focusing Waaaay too much on her. Thankyou both again.
But I know she's going to call tonight, and I must get a hold of myself