You guys are right about calling a spade a spade. No need to sugar coat it. I just had some hostility from my W when I used the word "affair". Looking back, it seems she could not handle the truth.
Oh, trust me, she will HATE it. But waywards are so self-deluded, that it's important that you be very concise and clear with your langugage. Please don't misunderstand: you do NOT accuse them with "YOU ARE AN ADULTERER!" or even "You're a LIAR, and a CHEAT!" (ahem -- I did that once, and in front of my kids, too, and I apologized to both my wife and children for it ) . . . but you SHOULD use the word "affair."
) . . . but you SHOULD use the word "affair."