One of the big things I post about here is how much we fight ourselves in this. A big part of DB is "Detaching" "Dropping the Rope".. or my favorite.. "No Emotion".
We tend to focus on the one thing that would make us feel better. The return of the WA... or a hug.. or a kiss. The thing we don't think about is what happens if they do come back.. or hug us.. or give us a kiss. Yes.. it will feel a bit better.. but what happens when that fleeting moment.. goes back to normal?
Detaching.. is hard to do. It takes a tremendous amount of will power and thought. This is something that should be done in baby steps. You start detaching by figuring out your "triggers". Then you find something that makes those triggers seem better. Hence GAL. You have to distract your mind. Now as your mind learns to understand the triggers and what you can do to lessen them.. eventually you can just think about the activity and lessen the triggers.
So we know the trigger for you is the OW and your H possibly choosing her. Money is a trigger for both of you. I know he will be there tomorrow.. but identify the triggers.. and try to find something that can pull you out of your head.
The other thing I will say.. don't put a tremendous amount of value on whatever decision he makes. Even if he says.. I love you with all my heart and want to be with you forever.. You have to understand.. even if he did.. it is not going to be the bliss filled time of your life. It will be a short period of happiness.. followed by long periods of getting to know each other all over. I know you read Bobbi Jo's stitch. The one thing she has fought all along was her wanting H to come back.. she kept saying it.. over and over. Well he is back.. things are better.. but it sure is not what she thought it would be.
Understand also.. that the things you think about.. effect your actions. Just as you can tell his mood.. he can tell yours. The best thing I could tell you to do.. over the next few days.. is be yourself.. and don't think about what may come. The 2 options are.. more of the same... or something different. If you know what both outcomes will be.. get happy with both. The situation you find yourself in.. has no less "pain".. no matter what he decides. You just think.. one is better than the other.
Here is your chance... tomorrow at noon... to Start with the Mind of a Beginner.
No Expectations
Keep your head up...
And Always....
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
