Please keep praying. You are man that believes in God. God will hear you. Be honest with God and what you are feeling. Ask for His help. I'm not one to throw scriptures, but I know you are a religious man. Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks, finds, and to him who knocks it will be open (Matthew 7:7,8)
Let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart (Galations 6:9)
I'm glad you are feeling strength by yourself. That was only one weekend and you need to keep doing that. You did talk to B at one point so it wasn't TOTALLY by yourself, but even so.
I see you losing hope, too. How couldn't you? After all that your wife has done. But, don't give up on her just yet.
D papers. When's the last time she said she would give them to you? You keep strong, you show her that you will be the happy strong, loyal man that will remain so no matter what. When/if she gives you papers, you respond to that. You fight for her. You ask if she has considered Retrovaille. You talk about what she is doing. That's when you get talking and share feelings, etc. Until then, you detach and show her what she is missing.
I know you are thinking more and more about these other women. Believe me, you are not any different than me and my feelings before I had the affair. If I could only go back and know what I know now, I would stop myself sooo fast from pursuing the OM. Just keep telling yourself you are married. It is not right.
She may think her life with OM is going to be good. He may have "stepped up". But, it is not HER FAMILY. YOU and the KIDS are her family. You asked, "HOw is my not engaging with her going to make her see and realize and miss?" Because she will see what she will NOT HAVE any more. She will be forced to see her choice and the consequences of it before she goes through with the paperwork. If you keep engaging she sees you ok with this and she still "gets the friend in you". You see? She doesn't want to lose all the good things about you, she wants it all...she wants this OM and the excitement and she wants stable, friendship you and her family all happy. Please make her see that what she is doing is BREAKING The family not getting everything she wants.
I know you don't want to be alone. YOu married her and took vows and this was not suppose to happen. Of course you want someone to love you. YOu deserve that. And I hear you loud and clear that you want someone that wants you. She feels that she doesn't love you because she doesn't see that love is a choice and that the feelings she has for this man is like what you and her had at the beginning. She will get to this point with this new man just like she is with you. She doesn't know that she wants to be with you. I wish I could explain it to her. I wish she could get to retrovaille. I'm hoping she will.
I'm speaking from "her side" just like I always do. I'm telling you what helped me or what would have helped me.
