problems.....don't amount to a hill of beans......

[Delil@h]

Finally...my friend frank_d reminded me about my book...The New Earth...and how 'wallowing' in this book is 'egoic' and not living 'in the moment'. He is right. So..Idone sg..no more quotes. I'll finish it myself.

Thinking of you and decided to stop by and say HI~
I am so glad you are reading this. { New Earth}
I loved this book too. And the podcasts are great too, you can put them on your Ipod and listen in....
You are the best FIB~ a beautiful Human Being.
If there were only more Men like you , the world would be a better place.

Prayers and blessings....
~Ali

[faithisbelieving]

Awwww...thanks Alimari. At least SOMEONE feels that way. LOL. Hey Frank....I'm looking at dates 1st week of September.

On the home front...quiet...W is being nice to me. Message left on our phone machine confirms that she is seeing a psychologist on a regular basis now.

W is very much into the Olympics now since she used to swim. Very much locked onto Phelps. Now she is looking into local places to resume swimming.

W: Do you think they'll have a place for a 44 yeard old woman on the swim team next Olympics?

Me: Anything is possible if you reach for it.

Anybody hear of a test called a Dan Harrison test? Groups of 8 questions that you have to rank about yourself 1-8. Thoughts?
FIB

[dl443322]

Hey FIB, I like the way you responded to your wife. I never heard about the 8 questions, sounds interesting though.

I was thinking about your big decision. Sometimes putting down all the pros and cons on paper and ranking their importance helps.

So does eating a big ice cream sundae. Oh wait, maybe that's just me.

[faithisbelieving]

At times, I feel so very well detached. At others, I must struggle to go forward. Eg, it amazes me how nonchalant she is...as she cheers and screams in front of the TV for the Olympics...and talks about how many laps she swam...while I worry how to pay each bill as it comes in.

Tonite...she told me a story about an elderly man who gave her a hard time about swimming in his lane.

W: "I probably paid more to swim here than you did."

I guess she forgot that I paid for her to swim there. I guess she forgot that when I couldn't make the preschool tuition that included the pool, she yelled at me in front of my son that I was delinquent in the payments.

I said nothing.

FIB

[BethM]

At times, I feel so very well detached. At others, I must struggle to go forward. Eg, it amazes me how nonchalant she is...as she cheers and screams in front of the TV for the Olympics...and talks about how many laps she swam...while I worry how to pay each bill as it comes in.

I know exactly what's going on here. I have lived your life. She's fighting for a replay of all that she thinks she missed and above all she's fighting to hold on to a youth that is gone, and that is what she absolutely can't face it. It's not really about other men. Because of their age it's about how they make HER feel about HER. She probably never liked herself, not really, but she really doesn't like this middle aged person that has taken over her body.

guess she forgot that I paid for her to swim there. I guess she forgot that when I couldn't make the preschool tuition that included the pool, she yelled at me in front of my son that I was delinquent in the payments.

She speaks to you like this because in her eyes You have become the parent, and we all know where she is emotionally. She's at that rebellious stage!


Good luck. Raising a 40 something teenager is not for the faint of heart. I should have taken his Speedo and his MTN bike away from him and made him sit in the naughty chair! If only I knew then what I know now...............


Bethie

[4kids]

...She's just swimming along in her own little world...

Just don't get in her space. Sheesh!

Dittos on the 40 year old teenager.

I'd suggest that this could be a place of connection - discussing how she misses so many things she wished she would have done - but she's nowhere near the point of realistically dealing with those things, it would only cause you more grief.

Maybe at the appropriate time throw that out as some 'chum' for her to discuss with her IC. Who knows?

N.

[faithisbelieving]

I think both your responses are excellent. Thanks for staying with me BethieM. I agree. I think my STBXW DOES have a lot of regrets...tasks never accomplished. Recall from the date of my bomb:
-wanting to buy her own salon
-becoming a personal trainer
-running a triathlon
-now, the Olympics

I agree that there is a lot based on unhappiness...her own..and clearly she is afraid of getting old and also unhappy with her own appearance even tho', IMO, she is a stunning blonde with blue eyes.

I try to keep my eyes looking forward. I am proud of having pursued a new venue in my life...even at the thought of giving up all I have trained for. I would never give up on my family..but this trait means nothing when 'it is all about you'...when sexual desire leaves...et al. I try as best as I can to not go back to rationalizing things. It is what it is.

I am only human. I have my urges at times...to snoop...to look, etc...but...I don't. I say to myself, "you're divorcing her...she has her own life now...she deserves privacy like you..and being stuck under the same roof together, you must be strong when the REAL OM comes along (if he isn't already here in the background waiting).

I hate those interrogatories...I have another one to fill out.
FIB

[faithisbelieving]

To BM....the Reese's Peanut Butter cup sundae at Friendly's...my weakness. As for the response....I try to still stay 'attractive'...positive and upbeat. Even tho' there is an order of protection between the both of us, I pulled the covers over her as I left for work. I kissed D5 and S7.

FIB

[glamgirl]

How sweet FIB. It sounds like Beth is right as well as the "Olympics" or tv in general could be her escape mechanism. I know that when I don't want to deal with life or have any thoughts or make any decisions and just want to forget the moment I watch the "Lifetime" channel or pop in a movie.

It's my way of escaping from day to day even if it's only for the length of the movie or show.

You are right stay attractive, positive and upbeat it will keep you focused on what's important for you.

[dl443322]

I have said it before and I'll say it again - You are ok in my book, FIB.

Oh, and my new favorite saying is - drumroll please - "It is what it is." It's what my h said to me. And now I think of it whenever I am unsure of how to react. It works in almost every situation.

Dignity, intergrity, and honesty matter. You have shown all three, my friend.