ms ladybug SQUISHED (3)

[ms ladybug]

I haven't updated in a while. I guess everyday is a roller coaster and so it seems too much to try to keep up.

But, here's an email I just sent off to h:

J,
I can't call you tonight. I don't even know at this point what to say. I am completely ashamed at what happened tonight. I am ashamed that our kids were exposed to the way you were treating me, touching me, and speaking to me. I can't erase that in Alison's little mind, and I so wish I could.

J, you are bigger than me, and you are stronger than me. You use your physical strength to restrain me and to intimidate me. I repeatedly ask you to stop and you push harder. For me, when physical force is used, communication stops. It scares me, and puts me into a position that I can't hear you, and I can't talk to you. The fact that you crossed my arms behind my back and an inch from my face, you spoke through your gritted teeth is an image I can't forget. When I pleaded with you, you crossed my arms harder to the point of sheer pain. I can not keep this up. You swore it wouldn't happen again, and I fell for it.

I am asking for you to please get help with your anger. It is too scary for both the kids and myself to have to endure.

I know I have done and I have said things that hurt you, and for that I am sorry. But, I have never made you fear for you life. This is a different ballgame completely.

Do I love you? I always have. I can say that without a thought. I married you because I was head of heels in love with you and I still am.

But, it's time for me to think with my brain and not with my heart. I need you to get help, because I am scared of what's to come.

Love, E



It's going to piss him off, but if physical force is used to restrain me, to hold my face and inch from his, to back me into a corner, what's to say it's not going to get worse?

Guys, this is not the man I married. This is all new since the sep.