I found some yummy cheese!

[pisces9]

Hey everyone! thanks for your posts...so i just got home from my H's apt. he was pretty down today, i felt it from him, so we met up for coffee, which turned into looking at houses in an area we liked...it was great bc we got to see that it is still too close to my family and need to move further...

so we went to my house after and hung out, he played with the dog- then he looked online at houses...then we went to his place for dinner- i know- easy solution- one house! anyway- we got talking:

bottom line: he needs me to sever my ties with my family pretty heavily. i agree- it is a long time coming and i have been working on this a lot. he cant stand them- and part of me is very sad- but part of me is very clear. my marriage will not work if i am connected to my family so heavily. i wrk for them. co own a house w my bro and live close to my dad and mom. it is not enough that all that is in play- but they are also the most aggressive, intense people you have ever met. they can be very sweet and loving but venom will fly at the drop of a hat. too intense for my life and my H's life.

here is what i have to do and i am freaked out! i am scared to start over but thats life...here is the list:

1) quit my job with my family's business-major income loss, detach from family who is very aggressive and intense and very mean at times.
2) sell our house
3) move away...not sure where yet
4) do i continue grad school? not even 100% sure i want to do that line of work and the process will take 5 years total for licensure
5) get a new job- the horror- i have worked for my family for 5 years. i was a teacher before that so i guess i could do that again...ive gotten used to the freedom i have but it also comes with very aggressive family tension that is not worth the $ or freedom.

is that enough life changes?

my H said he is not sure 100% yet about us bc he is till scared of this happening to us again. i was able to say the past is the past and that we can chose fear and doubt or love and trust. he said he needs to see someone but he keeps puting it off..i say well you can or dont have to...and talked about diff kinds of therapists...

i also said i want you to be very sure that you want to come back- bc if things get tough in the future- i dont want this- meaning sep or D - to be an option..he said yes- i know and agreed with me, and he kept talking a lot..i kept asking what he thought...i think he is scared that i will not be able to detach from my family and take it out on him later..i tried to reassure him that is not possible..and it did calm him down...but he has to be 100% ok with it too...

so i am just really overwhelmed, sad and scared.

BUT also excited, elated and ready for any challenge.

i need to sleep on all this but i would love your ideas!

thanks to all - HUGS!!!