For the Guy with Kids and a WW 10

[hopeful4her]

Thats exactly what I did, laying out on that beach, dub. I prayed and prayed. For God to give me strength to get through this crap. To be strong for my girls.

Even though my Saturday was hard, I feel my self getting stronger for myself. Feeling better about myself.

But at the same time, I can feel myself getting weaker. I know you can just sense it. More disheartened. I do love my wife.

I keep thinking, what if I get D papers this week, next week, next month? What then? She's told me that is what she is going to do. She's treated me the way she has because I'm the one standing in the way of what she wants.

I keep hearing it from her and I keep seeing it from her. Feeling stronger for myself and weaker in my hope for my marriage.

B didn't call me. To be honest with you, I find myself thinking more and more about her and Y. I see Y at least 3 times a week.

I don't love my wife any less. I just find my mind wandering more and more. I just can't stop it. I keep wondering what the hell is wrong with me? I know I'm not divorced, but as far as my wife is concerned, she is.

Am I really alone in my thoughts? Does that mean that I want to drop my silk thread? That I'm ready to give up? Am I just no better than her? How is my not engaging with her going to make her see and realize and miss? Her life with OM is going to be good. Look at how he has stepped up for her.

I feel like I'm going nuts. I don't want to be alone. I want someone to love me. I want to love someone who loves me. I need the touch of someone. I want to have conversation with someone that is interested in me. I want someone who wants to be with me.

I want it to be GBG, but she says it isn't her. I am not who she has chosen.