I had typed this all over on No Hill's thread, but it was too much of a sidetrack, so I thought I would move it here.
I know that I worked very hard to stay out of the gutter during my attempt to stay married, my separation and then divorce. I worked on myself, started working out three times each week, made a point to go out with friends, stay connected. Even when they all thought I should burn a bonfire of his clothes on the front lawn, I explained what my goal was and that would certainly not get me any closer to my goal of saving my marriage...might make me feel better, but not any closer to my goal.
I made a lot of excuses for my X. I really thought he was working, saving the world (well, his little chunk of it). I attended all of the family gatherings, funerals, weddings. I thought I was doing my part and he was equally honorable doing his part. Only to find that what I thought was his noble attempt to make the world a better place, was really his attempt to have his cake of a perfect little family and eat a slice of forbidden apple pie too.
I remember my best friend told me that if there was ever a war, she'd want me on her side, fierce warrior and a super sneaky spy to boot. I made sure, when I finally found out, to know EVERYTHING. Whether that was good or bad, I'm not sure, but I kept telling myself that knowledge was power and I wanted to know what was going on.
This was in response to No Hill's saying that we can't act the victim. We shouldn't dwell on the fact that we've been wronged. I think I have gotten past that. I have a good relationship with my kids. I made sure NEVER to talk negatively about their father around them. I made sure to encourage them to talk to him when he calls. I accepted them telling me how much they liked OW though it broke my heart to watch them drive away with her and their father. I have a pretty good relationship with X, probably because I decided to make my decisions with the kids always in my mind. Is this the best for the kids? It is important for them that we get along. It is important for them that they see their dad. It is important for them that they see their grandparents. It is important for them that they have some consistency through this crazy time.
Sleepy time. Goodnight all
I'm not an expert, but I've been there. And I survived.
