I am so sorry to hear about your bad experience with H. Don't make any decisions right now when you are still so upset. Something tells me H is starting to feel some guilt over your whole sitch and he's trying to bait you into giving him validation for leaving. I think he may be wondering himself why he would leave when things seem to be going well between the two of you now and as you and I both know...cops can never admit they had an err in judgement.
Hang in there...sleep on it...if you can..and think about it again tomorrow.
Hi Chris- im sorry this took a turn away from your goals- but all it is is a backslide
can you look again at the baby steps and what you have accomplished? i think you had high expectations that things would just fit right back together (same as my expectations) and they didnt...he pushed away bc he is scared of realizing he may want to be with you and now has to face how much he put you through.
one thing i learned from my DB coach is that men/cops cant be made to feel like a schmuck for hurting us...or made to feel weak.
his anger is guilt for hurting you. dont reply to his anger. dont react at all.
he needs to spiral on his own- in his own rollercoaster.
i hope im helping. but there were so many positives- thats why i think you have a great chance here and i want to say to you dont give up- this is just part of detaching.
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
Well, as the rollercoaster continues, again seem to be in a positive space. My gosh, this yo-yoing just kills me.
So today was D6's first day of school, so H was out bright and early to watch her get on the bus. Then I was off to work. He took D2 to get her signed up for the daycare I chose to start next week, and ended up calling and asking if I wanted him to come by my work with D2 to drop off the paper work. Of course this could have waited until evening so I take this as a positive. So they ended up dropping by, and we did and impromptu horseback ride with D2 on one of the mini horses at the stable. She had a ball. Then they left.
So I got a call at the end of the day asking if I just wanted to meet them out for dinner in town. Of course I did, so we ended up going out to dinner, then to Sonic to get the girls and icecream. Nice night.
So we got home, and I worked in my garden a bit ,the girls played, and H shot his bow a bit. N-O-R-M-A-L life. What is that again? Wish it would last.
But alas, the girls went to bed ,and H left. I should find out tomorrow whether or not I'll be "allowed" on the camping trip with them this weekend.
Honestly, it really sort of pissed me off today, the thought of having to WAIT for him to decide if I "could" go or not. So tonight I very calmly said.. "You know, why don't you just plan on taking the girls this weekend. I know you are having a hard time deciding ,so that probably means you'd really rather not. I want you guys to go and have fun. So I'm taking the stress of that off of you"
To which he said.... "the girls are going to have fun either way. Just wait and see, ok"
So again ,I feel like I was tossed a bone. I gave him the easy out, and he didn't take it. So honestly, if he comes back tomorrow and says "no you can't go" I think I'll be pissed since tonight he had the perfect out.
UGH. I just hate hate hate this.
Ok Chris........ calm down. Breathe. Each baby step is worth it. Now rinse, lather, repeat.
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
Chris! Glad to hear you are among the living. Hang in there girl! You and I have way too much in common in our sitch's...my H doesn't feel anything for me either except the occassional erection of course (yikes hope I don't get in trouble for that).
Anyway, I get discouraged when I don't see you post for a bit...keep on keeping on!
I really do think these men are trying to punish us and test us.
Chris- i think that is amazing DB'ing that you gave him the opp to say you cant go...and he didnt say either way at that point...you are really showing him you are fine either way....so that is great news...
i know what you mean by NORMAL one second then BAM...back to the separate lives...so weird.
BUT hang in there- you are really doing well and things are very calm and peaceful for you guys right now....because you arent pressuring him
you are doing a lot that is working...so be patient and strong like you already are!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
Thanks so much you guys. Your encouragement (from those in the trenches) really means alot. I swear I feel like I'm at battle, and you all are my little soldiers with me! LOL People that haven't been there, fighting for their marriage like CRAZY, just don't quite get it. My friends and family are supportive, but at times I think they think I'm deluded. Oh well. I've gotta live this life, better do all I can.
So, good news. I was invited on the overnight camping trip this weekend. Woo Hoo. So we'll be leaving early Sat., and coming home Sun afternoon. So over 24 hours together. Watch out! LOL
Feeling the pressure to be MAGNIFICENT. LOL I know this sounds dumb, but geez.... I sort of look forward to the day when maybe I can just be tired, cranky, have a bad hair day, and STILL know I'm loved. I used to feel that way, and now I just feel like I've got to be "on" at all times. It sucks. I'm not being fake, but I guess I just feel like I can't quite let it all "hang out" right now.
Tonight was interesting. We got the girls to bed, and I was BEAT! Seriously exhausted (think I might be coming down with something. It better wait until AFTER Sat.) So he came in and laid down on the bed, and we chit chatted awhile. He mentioned being so tired, and I said....... "me too. I'm ready for bed". Next thing I know he stands up, and pulls the covers over me, and does this cute little "tuck in" move. I sort of laughed and said....... "thanks. Now if only I didn't have to wash my face, brush my teeth, turn out the lights etc..... I wouldn't move". Next thing I know he is back on the bed, tickling me, being goofy. Totally grabbing at me.
So then I said.."You know, I haven't denied you ONCE in 4 months, but tonight I am. I am SO stinkin' tired." Well, he kept it up, and kept it up, and one thing led to another.
Every situation is different, but I swear for us. Through the few months of doubt I had about whether keeping ML with him was smart or not, I really feel like THAT physical connection has been a lifesaver for us. Time will tell what happens in the end, but I feel like had I cut ALL ties, we'd be halfway divorced by now. It's crazy how a major thing lacking in our marriage might now be the glue holding us together.
This is quite the crazy ride.
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
Wow Chris, that sounds great! I especially like the tickle play because that shows you and H can still goof off and have fun together! It really sounds like there is solid progress being made, and okay so you were tired, but heck, it sounds like it worked out anyway
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
