I've never posted to you before but I've been lurking. I find your story interesting especially since you are military (my husband is army) Anyways I just wanted to offer you a little advice from a book I read. I have a hard time trusting my husband too and it has caused drama for us in the past but right now I am choosing to trust him even though we are seperated. The logic behind it is that when you put your trust in someone and "act as if" they are trustworthy the person will feel that trust and will (in most cases) live a life worthy of that trust. Like they try to live up to the image they know that you hold of them. Does any of that make sense?
I don't believe in "turning a blind eye" to something you know exists but from all I have read you do not know for sure what she is up to so I think that you would be best off if you put your trust in her, let her know she has your trust both in word and action, and stop pestering her about where she is/was and who she is/was with.
I also think it is good that you no longer have access to her phone records. I think in the long run it will help with the trust. Even when it drives you nuts!
Hope I helped in some small way.
I think you are doing a good job, considering all circumstances.
