thanks, I think you are right on. and I do need some sole searching and need to get past my anger so i can get back to accepting that her actions are out of her own pain and truly trust in her.
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
I see the positives- so does TD....please dont let your emotions take you down a chesseless tunnel..you fund a little cheese- lets hunt for more
Listent to her, look at your sitch in the last month, re-read your posts, what did you do that had a positive impact what did you do that had a a negative one......
PS: I also thought her "short" e-mails in the week before the party was also due to the reason she was ugly to you when she picked you up.....she has fears too.
Shake it off, the anger is normal. I felt huge sorrow, lots of anger and finally empowerment when I truly looked at my baby steps.
Look at the good side, in a couple of weeks you will be on Bourbon street at Pat O'Briens drinking a Hurricane and listening to pianos!
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
she has already sent me a few texts about the puppy and other little stuff, so thats good. I know her parents were a huge backslide and I have my fingers cross that they respect my wishes and not talk to her about it. they are getting tired of her issues and are leaning towards letting her know that, and I just keep triing to restrain them.
TD are your kids old enough to think jets are cool, I may beable to tell you a good place to watch and when we plan to launch.
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
My favorite part is that you are doing something about the phone, letting her take care of her own and getting an iPhone*, so you will not have to be upset one more minute about that. Seriously, you are doing yourself and her a huge favor.
Plus, what everybody else said.
*Our lives are parallel again--I ordered an iPhone last week after I got fed up with my phone company, and it will hopefully be here this week!
Did you get any running in this weekend? I only went once, but it felt SO GOOD afterwards (not during, never during ;)).
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
only ran twice, last week but they were great. Way busy at work and way hot here. here mom called to tell me that she did not come home last night. Great. I asked her not to bother saying anything. she was either with him or a girlfriends house. Not something i can control so who cares.
I had a long talk about D with a friend from work today. Great guy and had a ton of great reason for me to be done. really got me thinking. and right now i can not put my finger on why or support it with any reasons, but I am not ready to quite, and i am going to standby her, witch means trusting her unconditionally.
Right now that means healing me again broken heart and taking some time to myself to get back the strength I need to deal with her, and get right back into being her best friend no matter what. Best part was my friend with all the reasons, said man I really respect you for that, good luck. That made me feel good.
I think I was wrong earlier and I do do these things for me. Talking to her parents was a huge backslide but talking to her and saying I won’t let myself get hurt was major progress for me. I do like the man I have become but I am tired of not having someone to share that with.
((((LOST, JULIA, PISCES)))) thank you ladies for showing me that there are great gals out there, because i would be a real woman hater right now if it was not for you and my mother.
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
thank you ladies for showing me that there are great gals out there, because i would be a real woman hater right now if it was not for you and my mother.
I feel the same way about you, and all the other men here. If it weren't for y'all showing me how truly upstanding men are capable of being, my opinion would be really low right now.
Originally Posted By: JWS
here mom called to tell me that she did not come home last night. Great. I asked her not to bother saying anything. she was either with him or a girlfriends house. Not something i can control so who cares.
That's a great attitude. I've kind of adopted that attitude, too, that my H will probably start dating someone else one of these days. I've decided not to think about it as the end of the world if it happens. One, you're right--I can't control it. Two, our old R is over. Am I mad about the people he dated before he met me? No. I'm not even mad anymore about the EA and the kiss with the old girlfriend. (Honestly, those incidences convey so much desperation on his part, they make me feel empathetic towards him more than anything, now.)
I view it as: our old R is over, and maybe someday we can have another R if we both make changes and grow.
In some strange way...I almost hope that he does start seeing someone, because he will be that much closer to facing himself, and hopefully healing himself. Isn't that weird? It'll hurt like hell, but I guess I just want him to start his journey, whether I'm on it or not.
I dunno, do you think you could feel that way about your W?
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
Caution Major venting, wining, and all around confusion.
I am tired heres the big stuff
<snip>
I am way confused. SHE WILL NOT RUN ME INTO A D!!! she will have to do it her self, but other then struborness tonight I am not sure why I am still in this, and not in some OW bed, and unlike her I would not have o settle for a loser.
Hi there JWS. I feel your pain and I've walked that path. I was over on Infidelity for a while and there were two recommended paths to follow. Path one was to verify there was in fact an affair and to broadcast it to the wayward spouse and everyone. Path two was to quietly implement the DB techniques with a passion. I chose path number two. The one thing that I had to make an uneasy peace with is that I have no control over what my W does.
I can empathize with every thing you've said. No, you don't have to put up with this kind of treatment. Yes, you could be with someone who would treat you better than you are being treated now.
Is that what you really want?
I don't know that answer either, there are many here who understand completely.
you guys are great. my real problem is all last week I was down and not really around here so I was not as strong as I could be.
by the way Lost. W and I are having dinner tomorrow, Wednesday is our anniversary, I used you line about if its our last one it should at least be fun. she laughed. I did have to add that I did not want it to be the last and she smiled at that too.
for my own sanity I have two lose lose ways of looking at yesterday.
she was at a girlfriends house pro- could be true con- I could be in denial
she was with him pro -could be the truth con- could be unfairly judging her and mistrusting.
I am going to show trust no matter what. I am going to be bold in my trust like it was bravery against and enemy on a battle field (or sky) and choose to accept her story. I could be turning a blind eye but I am giving her an opportunity to not damage that trust. if she does abuse it that is her action and her mistake not mine for trusting her, I need for my own health to truly learn and live that last part.
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
I've never posted to you before but I've been lurking. I find your story interesting especially since you are military (my husband is army) Anyways I just wanted to offer you a little advice from a book I read. I have a hard time trusting my husband too and it has caused drama for us in the past but right now I am choosing to trust him even though we are seperated. The logic behind it is that when you put your trust in someone and "act as if" they are trustworthy the person will feel that trust and will (in most cases) live a life worthy of that trust. Like they try to live up to the image they know that you hold of them. Does any of that make sense?
I don't believe in "turning a blind eye" to something you know exists but from all I have read you do not know for sure what she is up to so I think that you would be best off if you put your trust in her, let her know she has your trust both in word and action, and stop pestering her about where she is/was and who she is/was with.
I also think it is good that you no longer have access to her phone records. I think in the long run it will help with the trust. Even when it drives you nuts!
Hope I helped in some small way.
I think you are doing a good job, considering all circumstances.
