I'm sorry Frank. she is a disappointment to all of us. It is unfortunate that people think they will find a good marriage like you find a sanddollar on the beach. It simply doesn't work that way. She will be disappointed in love for the rest of her life. You have a chance to do better. Make sure your next girlfriend doesn't believe in hocus-pocus and won't spend her life wishing for success.
I can't stop crying this afternoon. It's like my heart has been ripped out.
W called to tell me she deposited some money in the joint account to cover the money she spent on tires the other day. It was all I could do to just say 'thanks'.
I am sorry to hear that your W has decided to start dating. I've had to experience that with my W and it is torture. It is hard to imagine how someone can be so cruel.
Now is the time for you to focus only on yourself and the kids.
You need to consult with a lawyer now and figure out your rights. Can you stay with the house? How can you get your W out? Here is a bit of censored advice my cousin gave me shortly after I gave my wife the boot out of the house:
Quote:
Oh JEEZ!! Good Gawd that's a shock.
I'm sorry to hear you've been going through so much crap. I know that what I'm reading about here is just the tip of the iceberg.
As you know I've been around the block a few times. I also have spent a lot of time around the job box with construction workers, the majority of which seem to be divorce prone, so you might imagine that I have heard all kinds of horror stories. I've written a couple myself. If there is one piece of advice that I would give you, fellow cousin, is strike hard and strike fast.
Do NOT show mercy in the beginning. There is always time for that later if she comes around but keep that big gun loaded and cocked.
You WILL regret ignoring these words.
Be the exception to the rule. Don't be the guy (because there are lots of them) that says later:
"I wish I would have listened to you but I didn't think she was like that" Or "I really got f___ed" "I should have" ...blah blah blah.
I'm not saying hammer the b!tch right out of the gate. But you need to be prepared to do so in the office with your lawyer. You can always call him off if things don't go your way but it doesn't work the other way around.
I'm talking change the locks, file restraining orders. LOCK her out of your life until YOU can dictate how far back into your life and your wallet YOU are willing to let her into.
Do NOT let her move back in. You need to show that she willingly left the family and the house where the kids live.
It doesn't have to be a death sentence. If you do as the above poster suggests, it probably will be.
frank.... a 180 looks like this.....the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of the behavior that offends her. If your drinking bothers her, never have another drink. Be a teatotaler.
If your boss said you made the most mistakes on your team, instead of just reducing the number of mistakes you make, the 180 would be to make the least mistakes on the team.
Make the changes. Make them stick.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
Frank ((((())))) I don't know what to say. Every thing I think of seems so trite. You have been grieving for so long. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hang on even if it's by your finger tips.
I hate to say this but we have a saying over here.
"Toughen the fu&k up".
I don't mean to be mean, but you have got to pull your self together. How long have you been doing this?
Do not and I repeat DO NOT let your wifey see how much pain you are giving yourself. Because believe me you 'are' giving your self this grief.
It is as though your w has fired an arrow at your heart that has fell to the ground before you and you have picked it up and stabbed yourself with it and continue to stab yourself with it over and over. Drop the arrow and the pain will stop.
I'm coming up 3 years post bomb still no d talk from her, sep'd over 2 years ago. Very similar sit. w gone all spiritual, past lives etc.
It takes a lot of work to get some equanimity but you can get there.
EDITED – ADVERTISING is NOT ALLOWED. You must comply with the DivorceBusting.com Board Rules if you would like to continue the privilege of posting here.
I'm not suggesting that you turn into an assh@le but I found I had alot of the traits mentioned in the book. We need all the help we can get so...
What a hellish journey my friend. I couldn't be more sorry for you that your wife continues to prove just how little character she actually has.
I do believe that you have to insist she leaves Frank. Regardless of what financial difficulties it presents, I think you need to tell her that she has violated for the last time a promise that she made to you.
We all can remember that heart ripped out feeling. If you need to grieve for real, that's what you need to do. There is a time for everything, and there is no shame in FEELING the pain of the loss.
Get it out, feel it, let it fill you for a time. But Frank, refuse to allow it to consume you. You've been down that road and you KNOW that you don't, that you cannot go back down that road. There are two very good reasons to pull yourself back together - I know you won't forget that.
You're getting lots of advice on either side of things here. Hammer her. Leave it be and don't believe her. Two different sides, both from people who care about you and your girls.
But you know what Frank? You already know what needs to happen. You've known it all along. You knew it a couple years ago when she did this to you the first time.
You let her go. In fact, you help her to go.
My guess is that this will be help she doesn't really want just yet, but you need to give it to her all the same.
Hell, she can go back to living with the neighbor down the road for all I care.
And really Frank, if the best she can do is geek boy with the landscaping company? Come on Frank - just more evidence of just what a whack job the woman is.
Again, sorry Frank. I'm sorry for your pain and I'm sorry for how bad it hurts.
You ARE the better man though.
And I KNOW you will be back, stronger and better for getting this oppressive spirit OUT of your life.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Frank, first things first. You are not at all alone. There are so many people on here who care so much about you, myself included.
You need to look at the incredible man that you are Frank. You need to refocus on what SHE is losing, not you.
What I posted on your last thread was reality Frank. She is not saying much different then she has said before. It is simply hurting you more because you have been pressing to make yourself happy and her words do not play a part of that.
Detachment my friend, you know all about it, now is the time to put yourself in motion with it. It's time to stop the talking and start the walking. Frank, this hurts, we all know this hurts. We all know why you spent the day crying. We have all spent that day. Hell, you have spent that day before as well. Feel the feelings Frank, but do not allow them to knock you to your Knees.
You have come to far to fall to this. You are the strength for so many around here. You have shown so many the direction that they have needed to get through the days like you are having today.
I am sorry I had to go today, if it wasn't work I would have talked all day. I have a softball game here shortly and will call you later tonight to check in. Hang in there buddy, you mean a lot to so many people here, you mean a lot to me.
