Hi again Neil, well for one thing, I guess I'm getting a reputation about using 2x4's but actually, I wasn't realizing that I was doing it to you. That is just my normal talk....lol.
Maybe my stitch is different as far as most WAW's......I don't know. I have never felt like I was the one testing or wathcing my H or any of those other things that were mentioned. I felt as though I was the one that was watched for a time. But anyway, about your question.......I can try to answer for me...okay? As you probably know, my M went for decades without much physical affection at all, much less ML. There was no communication on an intimate level.....which is what I craved. So, as time went by, I lost more and more interest in trying to keep the M alive all by myself. Over the years, I don't know how to explain what happens since Michelle says there is no such thing as "falling out of love", but something happens. It is like a part of you "dies" or something. Maybe I have not tried as hard to "revive" the feelings as I should. I have explained all of that before and was told it was just an excuse, so I quit trying. All I know is that when a woman can't feel something there in her heart, it is very difficult (for me anyway) to act without feeling when it comes to the relationship between a H and W. B/c it is the most intimate R there is on earth. You can act "as if" with almost anyone else......but when it comes to intimacy.....man, that is hard. Maybe some women can pretend.....it just never worked for me.
I used to try to tell my H over and over again, that the longer we went without sex, the harder it was for me to get into the mood again. The more often we had sex, the easier it was to get into the mood.....or better yet....stay in the mood. So, you would think he would want to keep having sex on a regular bases....right? Go figure! All I can say is after 12+ years of no sexual touching at all.....except for some hugs and a few light kisses......it is hard to have those feelings that you are talking about. That is just me. That is all I can speak for. Like I said before and probably have even tried to tell other this advise hoping it would help them......to say that happiness and love is all a choice or a decision is very easily said, but to put it into actions is much harder to do. Some people's situations is a lot worse than others......and I'm not talking about my own here, but thinking of some that are worse than mine. When diseases, lack of food and shelter, lack of income and jobs, or terrible abuse is present.......when those things exsist, yeah, it is pretty hard to say that happiness is a choice. Sorry if I sound so negative. I don't mean to be, but I am also a realist and I know that life can suck the happiness and love right out of a person. Maybe they don't mean for it to, but in some cases, it happens before that person is aware of it. That is why it hurts to see people left with so much bitterness in their hearts. I don't want to be that way and am fighting not to be. I don't feel bitter, but I feel empty right now. I am still working at trying to "feel" what my H wants me to feel for him. However, I would think that he would want it to be genuine.
Oh well, that's just more of my same thoughts. Guess some of you are getting tired of hearing them by now.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
