Please help me to not give up............

[grant]

Oh God NO!! I've been ambushed by my emotions again. Just had a hideous convo on IM with wife. Mentioned that I was considering the option of moving back home to look after the kids. She hit the roof! Said she had only said it on the back of her conversation with my son, and that she'd never consider moving out. But I realised that she was talking to OP at same time, probably relaying deatials of the conversation. Perhaps I'm being paranoid, but she was doing a lot of typing and not a lot of words were appearing on my screen. The usual blame game ocurred, with her reminding me that it was all my fault and that I had put our family in this position
I brought up the fact that I didn't want to listen to her talk about OP anymore, and felt disrespected, and that I knew there was a third person involved here. She went off the scale, said because of the things I had done to disrespect her, I so deserved it. She ended by saying what I knew to be true, that this was getting us nowhere, and she was going to bed.

Textbook on how NOT to DB. I got that so wrong again. But it does seem that even considering moving back home to look after the kids is completely out of the question now. It was never on the agenda. Now it looks like I've moved myself one step closer to my greatest fear. I'm now very scared that I've reached the end of the line.