Still in organizing mode....I think that's a good sign. We are registering my S for Kindergarten (only child) and I'm having a hard time with that. Didn't think I would. My job starts back up soon so I will be busy busy. Not sure how I feel about that. Less time for my mind to wander so that is good I guess.
I'm really trying to keep my mind away from ANY thoughts of OM. They creep in and before my mind kept telling me to let them through, like I need to think them out and it will figure it out and make it better. I've come to the conclusion (even though everyone told me this from the start) that I just need to NOT think them through. When they come, think of something else. Trying to think of bad things about OM doesn't help me. My mind is still fogged about who he truly is yet so I can't "go there". Time will help me, it already has.
My H and I continue to go to Retrovaille. We have a session tonight. We continue to dialogue together as well. All things that are keeping us connected and getting us in a "better place" to move forward from. Baby steps.
Sounds good, Didi. I have to sign my baby up for school this week too...for college. He's taller and scruffy on the chin, but not much else about him has changed.
Update: Went to Retrovaille. Was a good session. Talked about forgiveness. Also, had something called a "momentum session" that had other couples from previous sessions come and sit in and answer anonymous questions we wrote up for them. I can't remember all of the questions, but I remember how good I felt about everything.
A couple things I've realized now that I am moving in the right direction. I always thought that the love I had with my H was never as strong as what I felt with the OM. What I am realizing is that if I had met the OM the same time I met H it would have gone about the same way. I am older and more mature so obviously my love now is different than back then. If I had met my H now for the first time I would have had the same kind of feelings about HIM that I had about the OM. I would have put the same amount of effort, etc. Thank God I found the right path. Thank God I didn't leave him.
Today is a day that I am sitting here missing him wishing he was home from work already.....these new feelings are amazing to me.....I can't remember how long it has been that I have felt that.
I got the book, The Power of the Praying Wife. This book is wonderful for me...helps me focus on what I can do and how I can do it.
My mom said how my son told her that "Daddy is home all the time now." and had a big smile. My poor baby having to deal with all my crap. My parents have noticed how much happier he is. I have admittedly seen the change as well. Both his father and I had done a pretty good job sheltering him from most of it, but kids KNOW. I'm so glad I didn't leave my H. HOw sad and miserable I would be right now. Thank you everyone again for keeping me seeing the right path. Really.
First all I can say is that I am so glad for you. You truly sound as though you are feeling more at peace with how things are going and are showing more confidence with what you have chosen. That is WONDERFUL.
Second, thank you for staying here and showing us with (almost) WAS that there is hope. It certainly helps keep me going with my sitch.
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
First all I can say is that I am so glad for you. You truly sound as though you are feeling more at peace with how things are going and are showing more confidence with what you have chosen. That is WONDERFUL.
Second, thank you for staying here and showing us with (almost) WAS that there is hope. It certainly helps keep me going with my sitch.
What he said! I do so appreciate having you here to read your sitch through another perspective. If you ever get time would you give me your two cents on mine, as the other side?
((((hugs)))) keep up the great work, you and your family are more than worth it!
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
It's great to hear you sounding so happy. That is a really good thought that you had about love coming at different times in your life. It amazes me how many people really believe that love just hits you and then you are in love forever. No work on anybody's part. And if it doesn't work out, well, then it wasn't "meant to be". It sounds so deluded when I hear it, but people say it all the time, and believe it. So sad.
I remember the day I put my youngest on the bus for kindergarten. What a sunshiney day that was. We went to orientation for college today. He didn't like that I was there, but oh well. He will tell me on Wednesday whether he will sign up for college here and live at home, or in NJ and spend lots of my money. Whatever. I am proud of that boy and how he has grown up.
lis- Thanks for checking on me. I'm doing good. And, yes...there is always hope. Don't give up!
sugar- Thanks! I have been busier with my work starting back up but I will get to your thread asap!
sara- I used to believe the whole "it was meant to be" thing. I'm so glad I had you guys to pull me out of the middle of the fog so I could think clearly. Thank God. Soooo....where's he going to college? Today is the day, isn't it?
Update- Things still good here at home. He sent me an email giving me an spelled out itinerary for me and son to come visit him at work (he works about 45 min. away). It was so great. It had times, directions to various things in the city to do, and has us eat lunch with him and pick him up to take him home at the end of the day (he carpools). He has been doing the most thoughtful things. I get emails often. He bought me flowers again last week. He gave me a foot rub last night. I'm so lucky that I didn't lose him. My greatest feeling these days is thankfulness. I am so so soooo thankful I didn't lose everything important to me and it scares me now to know how close I was.
