It's just that fear of revealing me to her or anyone else that scares me so much. If she truly knew me (the way I was), would she want to have anything to do with me? Would anyone want me? I've done a complete 180 from the way I used to be and I really don't ever want to look back. I want to live life from this day forward as the new man that I am. Why open the skeleton closet and rattle around things that never need to be known? I scared myself enough with them, why scare her too? I have left them behind, erased them from my mind and I'm ready to live life to the fullest and in a positive way now. I can look inside myself and know who I want to be and how I want to live my life from now on.
Until she is willing to go to MC on her own, I can't force her to go. It won't work under coercion. So for now we keep working on ourselves as best we can.
DQ, I know you are trying to get me through this and make me see how to go through the fire to get to the other side. It would be a dream come true if I could get to the level of happiness you are now experiencing. I know I can get there. The sad question is if it will be with my wife or someone else. I want it to be with her but I can't force it on her.
