I haven't heard from my H since Thursday am. I found out some interesting things in the meantime. I did some research on mood swings, since his mood swings were a little wild on Thurs especially.
Found out some VERY intriguing info...well at least to me. ; )
I stumbled on this medical information that mood swings can be caused by dopamine levels in the brain. I already knew that H's sexual issues might be related to dopamine, since dopamine is the most important neurotransmitter involved in orgasm, and the illness he had has been know to be related to dopamine depletion (which is why I believe it to be mostly psychological now).
Well, it also turns out that research has shown that acupuncture can (further) inhibit release of dopamine in the body. This can actually help some people, but if that person already has low levels of dopamine...The doctor he began going to regularly right before he started feeling "indifferent and resentful" to our M is...you guessed it, alternative medicine using acupuncture. He was getting acupuncture every week.
The symptoms of dopamine depletion are exactly in line with how he's been feeling/acting: you can't experience feelings of love or joy, instead you feel apathetic, like you want to escape, depressed. You can't deal with any demands being made on you--you feel smothered. And you tend to act out in ways desperate to stimulate a dopamine rush--alcohol abuse, risky behavior. Mood swings ensue.
Plus, if anything, his sexual issues have not gotten better and have probably gotten worse in the last months. He gives me a uh, self-love report sometimes if I ask about his health and it hasn't been that good.
H told me that how he felt leading up to the bomb was something that had been simmering under the surface of every relationship that he's had since his illness, and suddenly it became overwhelming in the couple months leading up to the bomb (right when he started getting regular acupuncture).
My current theory is that acupuncture may have made what was a relatively low-level dopamine depletion in my H even worse. It's apparently VERY common for people with dopamine depletion to blame their partners for their apathetic feelings, because it is a "love chemical"--necessary for orgasm, and peaks at orgasm.
And guess what--he had acupuncture on Thursday morning right before we talked!
I wrote him an e-mail telling him all this in the nicest way possible--told him that I hope he took it in the spirit that it was intended, that I wanted him to be happy and healthy, and in an undiagnosing, not "this is what's wrong with you" way.
I really think that he needs to see a doctor who knows about this stuff, and it would be worth at least trying some dopamine-producing kind of treatment. But that is up to him, I told him what I found out and that's all I can do.
But besides ALL THAT, I had a really good weekend. I feel good about myself and my life lately. I can honestly feel like the work I'm doing on my self-esteem is helping, and I'm finding a lot more pleasure in daily life.
So, yay! : )
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
and it hasn't been that good.
