I think it would have been appropriate to thank her verball for dinner, in person after dinner. To send an e-mail OR a thank-you note now, in my opinion, would be seen as "pursuing."
How about if an email was sent letting her know that I AM stopping by the apartment to leave off the things and then BTW, thanks for the invite for dinner?
I don't think I DID thank her.
Last edited by hopeful4her; 08/18/0807:09 PM.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
h4h, I didn't realize it was B you talked to. I thought it was your WIFE that called. I take back the statement : "You COULD have called your W to chat, you COULD have called B, you COULD have called anyone, but you DIDN'T and that is SOOO GOOOD. Going through this is what has to be done, and seeking someone to make you happy while going through this (some female) is not healthy." You know I know how hard this is. I was the one doing it before. I sought out another to make me happy since my H didn't. But, it was wrong. It was wrong to get my emotional needs met by someone else. It was wrong to confide in someone else about my marital problems. No matter what is going on in the home, it is wrong to have some other person of the opposite sex share emotionally with you. You are still married. I understand that you are thinking you may not want to get back with her. That's where I was and is why I had an affair. Your family deserves this. God wants you to stay married. Again, I say, do not answer the vulture's calls and do not call her. You are married. You are the one modeling to your wife what marriage means.
I'm not sure her invite was for YOU. My guess is it was for HER. She is feeling guilty and she wants to show her kids that she is still a wonderful mom that is "doing the right thing". I bet she tells the OM all about it...."Tom, I invited Roger over for dinner. It was so good for the kids to see us all eating together and that we are ok. They need to see we are all ok and they will be ok. D6 even mentioned your name and we just went on. Kids are so resiliant and they will see that this was for the best."
Personally, I would NOT send a thank you at all. I would do what I said and show her what it is like WITHOUT you. DOn't let her have her cake and eat it too. She wants you to be "ok" with this. I did. If my H would have been ok with me seeing someone else, I would have continued it. I would have thought, "See....he is starting to see this is for the best. It will just take time for him to adjust to it."
If you email, jsut say what you are doing for the kids period and leave before she is there. If she calls you respond politely, but you are NOT to be her buddy buddy while she moved out on you.
I'm not sure her invite was for YOU. My guess is it was for HER. She is feeling guilty and she wants to show her kids that she is still a wonderful mom that is "doing the right thing". I bet she tells the OM all about it...."Tom, I invited Roger over for dinner. It was so good for the kids to see us all eating together and that we are ok. They need to see we are all ok and they will be ok. D6 even mentioned your name and we just went on. Kids are so resiliant and they will see that this was for the best."
My wife used almost EXACTLY THESE SAME WORDS with her boyfriend last summer. I know, because I recorded her, and I HEARD them.
((((H4H)))) Keep being the strong man who lets her see and feel the consequences of tearing up a family. DON'T play family with her. Don't make leaving "easy" on her. Don't be her friend, shes certainly not being yours. Don't mean to sound short or grumpy, but you are doing so well, keep it up.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
