Please help me to not give up............

[grant]

TD, Firstly I'm absolutely thrilled for you, that things are going well. You most certainly deserve it. I should also say that I'm grateful that you continue to maintain a presence here, even though your situation has improved so much.

BTW, boys are getting older now:- 16 and 13. I feel like I've missed out on so much in their earlier years because of my work commitments. Patently, my wife feels the same way.

Perhaps she is offering me an opportunity to prove myself, although it does seem that perhaps her question to me about coming home to look after the boys, might have been delivered out of guilt and pressure from my youngest. Particularly if it was "loaded" with the "and I'll move out " thing. Might I just be pushing her towards the opportunity to be with OP. God, sorry. Vacillating again. Your advice is absolutely sound, and I am beginning to think that it is really my last and only hope toward a better relationship, both with my kids and with her.

Both she and I really dislike confrontation or conflict. I think it's been a major issue for us, not being able to really deal with long held feelings, in a positive way.
Though I can remember a time when it felt like we knew each others hearts and minds so well. As they say, it's obviously taken a great deal of time to get into this mess, and it's going to take a long time to get even close to fixing it. She always says that there is just SO much stuff that she has resented, over a long period of time, and with progression of R with OP, she felt strong enough to be able to say "I'm done". But I'm starting to resent the fact that I had to move out, when it was she that wanted out of the M. I guess perhaps that my situation involved me being way from home so much anyway, and her being the primary care-giver, it seemed the only way forward at the time. Besides, I think it did give me the opportunity for confronting some of the issues that I have had, and to reflect on my life and it's direction. The other bonus is, that it has most definitely helped me to re focus on my R with kids.

I am terrified about the prospect of a convo with her about this, although I must try to cultivate a positive outlook on the nature and direction of the conversation.

Many other logistical difficulties about working from home, as it would require a bit of a financial investment in production equipment in order for me to do it. It might be possible though...... Trying hard not to put things in the way of options.
But I completely get the "send a message" thing. That's mighty powerful stuff TD, and remarkably insightful. Thanks so much.