Listen to what naej is saying! She is wise, I think! You cannot be a fool for loving....
I think it is time to spend time relearning how to be you. I think you've made more progress there than it feels like to you, but there is more to do. I haven't heard you spending time on your art lately, maybe a project that helps get your feelings out of you might be good, liberating. I expect it will hurt to do it, but I also expect it might be a really strong piece of work, and that you could feel a lot better when it is done.
The only other thing I would say is that before you ring the bell you should probably tell him how you feel about him, and ask him if there is any chance of a future. It isn't a very DB move, but before you absolutely quit, it seems to me to be a good idea. Just maybe he would like things to be different, but he is afraid they can't be.
