Had a backslide last night and was drinking. Stress, pressures, life, it doesn't matter why, I just was.
So of course that leads to a 'talk' this morning with W. I'll spare the details, the usual 'It hurts me so much to see you so out of it', some tears on her part. Some R talk.
- her reassuring me that she doesn't have any desire to 'make it work'. She has tried and tried and it just doesn't work for us to be together. - But It's not because of anything I've done, she believes that we aren't meant to be together, otherwise it would have worked out. - Part of the reason it doesn't work out is because I expect to be abandoned so I don't put 100% of myself into it. - She prays for me every day because she wants me to be happy. - She says 'we' need to sell the house and live within 'our' means. I asked her if she knows what the electric bill is, or the water bill. She says "no, because you don't tell me". She doesn't ask. Then she says "I try to give you money when I can" - When I say I see marriage as a covenant she says we have different beliefs. - As far as the lesson we are teaching the girls, I said it is 'don't fight for you marriage, abandon your husband when it gets too tough', she says "no, it's that sometimes after you try long enough, you have to move on with your life." - She admits that she's dating and it is part of her 'finding her true self' and we're never going to be intimate again.
