Remember how I didn't cry or feel sad when I filed, or when xh was crying when I told him? I almost felt at peace....well maybe that was shock. I feel overcome with sadness right now. I don't even know what triggered it.
I feel physically sick that this has happened. I am trying to hold back the tears at work. Right now I just don't feel like I will ever get past this.
In my mind he is living happily ever after with this tramp and he is being everything to her that he couldn't be to me. How can he tell me that he isn't emotionally available...he seems emotionally available for her.
I want to see him. I know that wouldn't be a good idea, but I feel like I never got to talk about this. I never got closure. I don't know what to do.
Feeling a little better today. I am just back and forth.
It could be that it is "that time of the month". I take seasonal birth control and I only have a period every 3 months...and have no symptoms in between....so maybe I don't recognize it having such an effect on me anymore.
I sent xh an email the other day that I paid his insurance and needed him to pay me back. I told him that he had not gotten back to me so I had no choice but to pay it. He replied to my email and was unusually nice. He thanked me for paying it and asked if he could come by Sunday after work to pay me back. So, it looks like I will see him Sunday.
I just can't get thoughts of him and OW out of my mind. I just can't believe that he was willing to throw everything away for some girl that he barely knew. Even after telling me he would never be able to forgive himself for hurting me with OW#1...and telling me how we belonged together. I have confirmed that he met OW#2 on June 7th. I found her hiding on June 22nd. I just don't understand how he can throw away an 8 year relationship for someone that he knew for 2 weeks. I guess I will never understand this.
I am glad it is Friday. I do have plans tonight with the guy that went to the wedding with me, so that should be fun. Maybe it will get me out of my funk.
I had a pretty good weekend I guess. I actually spent a lot of time with this new guy. He is a very nice guy. We have a lot in common and I am very comfortable around him.
The meeting with xh was weird. He is so cold. No emotion at all. It is just so weird to be so business like with someone that has been a part of my life for 8 years. It really makes me sad.
He told me that he is cold to me to "help me". I guess he thinks maybe if he is mean to me then it will help me to not want to be with him. He is wrong. It just makes me even more sad that it has come to the point that we can't be civil.
I keep thinking that he is going to regret this, but maybe he won't. He seemed to be doing well and I am pretty sure he has moved in with OW#2 since he has canceled his lease and moved out of his apartment. It is like he has just moved on and is happier without me. ...so when does all the regret come in?
Ugh. I really feel like I am never going to get over this.
He is putting on a face for you. He admitted as much by saying he is going it to "help" you. You already know better than to believe his actions reflect everything going on inside him.
You will get over it. It'll take time though. Be patient with yourself.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
He did admit that he was acting that way to help me. I am just not so sure it is an act. It just really feels like he never cared anything about me. I just don't know how it is so easy for him to just forget about me and move on.
It just hurts. I don't want to get back together with him...but a little sadness on his part would be nice. He asked me how I expected him to act and I really wasn't sure. Then he said "I'm not over it"....but I think that was just an attempt to make me feel better. If he wasn't over it he wouldn't be moving in with this girl right?
Then he said "I'm not over it"....but I think that was just an attempt to make me feel better. If he wasn't over it he wouldn't be moving in with this girl right?
Hah. you and I both know that is he WAS over it, he WOULDN'T be moving in with some girl he barely knows!!!!! He is trying to fill the void in his life that's all. I'd bet money he knows he can't have you back, has his doubts about how things went down, and is trying to move on by moving in with her (and is broke and needed to cut his rent $$ in half)!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
The meeting with xh was weird. He is so cold. No emotion at all. It is just so weird to be so business like with someone that has been a part of my life for 8 years. It really makes me sad.
He told me that he is cold to me to "help me". I guess he thinks maybe if he is mean to me then it will help me to not want to be with him. He is wrong. It just makes me even more sad that it has come to the point that we can't be civil.
I remember telling my ex the very samething except that I said that he had a very "hard heart". His response was that, "I have to have a hard heart when it comes to you Beth." Why? Why is it that they have to protect themselves from feeling? Do you think that if he gets too close and feels the pain he's causing you that it would make it harder to do what he's doing? Of course it would, so he leads a parallel life as he did when you were married. Talking to you on the phone is much easier on him than when he has to see you face to face. Don't let his phone demeanor confuse you because it just sets you up for further hurt.
He will have regrets. You can't go through this life hurting people the way he's hurt you and not at some point be haunted with what you've done. Our job is to move on, be happy again, and not give a rats a$$ as to what they think or feel! Then whatever happens is icing on the cake!
Glad you had a nice weekend with someone who treats you as you should be treated!
You girls are both right. It is just so hard to see those things in my own situation.
Michelle, you are right about him wanting to cut his rent in half...but why couldn't he do that with me?...we were talking about it afterall. But he wanted to go slow...he needed to be "alone" for a while...which I respected...so why move so fast with this girl? I just thought things were going so good with us.
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Why is it that they have to protect themselves from feeling? Do you think that if he gets too close and feels the pain he's causing you that it would make it harder to do what he's doing?
Yes, I do think he has to protect himself from feeling. But, if it is hard for him to do this...then why is he doing it???? I will probably never make sense of all this so I guess I should stop trying before I drive myself crazy.
Everytime he leaves I just have this fear of never seeing him again. We have nothing connecting us. Not even friends. The mutual friends we did have were when we were in TX and he no longer talks to them.
I did have a good weekend. This guy I am hanging out with is very understanding. When xh left I went running with him and when we met up he asked me how it went and I teared up a little. He just gave me a hug and said he knew that it was hard, he has been there and done that, but it does get easier.
I just wish it didn't hurt so bad. I wish I could turn off my emotions the way he can.
