I left my X at home taking care of kids while I saved the world from itself and feeding my excitement rush.
It is tougher to ask for what you want from someone that is out saving the world b/c sometimes you feel like your are being selfish in asking a person to put your needs ahead of those of people in need. I think this is a central theme in every superhero movie.
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Though infidelity is a often a dealbreaker being passionate toward a function reguardless how noble to the exclusion of one's family is equaly devestating and the excuses the person running off often delays but does not prevent the breakup.
Personally I do not excuse anyone elses (X, OM, whatever) actions but as DB and surviving dictates one needs to come to grips with their own shortcomings in order to perform 180s another DB tatic.
Each person is responsible for their 50% of the R regardless of how the other P is handling their 50%. It is easy sometimes to shift the focus to the first P that has committed the relatively more "socially reprehensible" action to avoid addressing that perhaps second P may have done some not so nice things themselves. And sometimes the second P uses the first P's actions to justify their not so nice reaction to the "socially reprehensible" action.
My father was by my side through my own D. And he always reminded me that no matter what The X had done - that did not absolve me of the responsibility to handle myself and the D in a constructive manner. He told me that I was defined by my own actions - not by The X's actions.
Carrying oneself with dignity and a sense of personal responsibility does not mean that you condone the other person's actions. It simply means that you have the ability to detach from the other person's actions.
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Once in a while yes people are victims of very selfish people I have seen a few here. Just about everyone myself included tries to paint a picture whereas we are the victim vs the bad STBX or X. Once you are a victim you have lost.
I think all of us slip into victim mode at times. I myself have been known to play the world's smallest violin at my pity party. You just have to be aware of it and pick yourself back up again. I think that is where GAL and taking care of yourself kicks in.
As for R's - platonic or otherwise, there are behavior patterns that trigger an interest or a smile - then there is long term behavior patterns that are amenable to sustaining long term R's. In my case, I think it takes roughly 90 days to see if the R - friendship or otherwise reaches a mimimun threshold to continue and roughly two years to see if the long term behavior patterns are there to sustain a longer R.
And of course during that whole process you have to remember there is no absolute reality - each individual has their own reality colored by their own personal perspective.
So easy to post - and so very hard to implement...
Okay - my brain hurts now... Which provides me with the perfect excuse to procrastinate now! LOL!
