Hi Ali, stop feeling like an idiot! Love is never wasted or foolish. Acceptance takes a very long time to really really get to that point. I still after years miss my x on occassions, like when my son walked his sister down the aisle, and when we had our first g/child,when my d nearly died,when I lost our old cat shortly after moving and now when I have just heard from my vet! My x bought this dog for me after we lost our last one. He has never asked about him in years and I will not contact him when the end happens. My dog is the last link betwen us, he will not even consider it a link. I doubt I ever cross his mind in any way. So I will find it twice as hard.
Well got to tackle jobs I have been putting of for weeks thinking I had all summer ! I always do this my excuse is I work better under pressure. It's a lie I am just lazy!
Hope your day is productive and you hear sooner rather than later. You are right about the saturn thingy it is a hard time for me. No time to feel sorry for myself tho! Dye that hair and find the new you! ((()))
Move into the tearful acceptance stage? Stop expecting ANYTHING. I'm not going to date - there are 4 girls in my office in their early 30's who are single and are dating, two broke up after 10 year R's. One heard this morning that another friend broke up with someone this weekend after a 10 year R. There just seems to be so much of this abuot and a horrible inevitability about all of it.
He hasnt emailed me today and NC yesterday...so thats it, first time since Feb we havent been in daily contact. I cant believe I predicted ages back I'd know by the Lunar eclipse (Sat). So annoying.
Maybe he knows I am going to start asking questions and he cant face that, so he is avoiding me.
Feeling now that I wish I'd been more real and honest back in May/June instead of totally putting on a front..and not even asking him any questions when he did start an R talk and now I have missed my chance to ask questions, he is no longer emotionally open to me. So annoying !!!!!
So much has been left unsaid and its so frustrating. I'm not sure I know how to answer you Michelle? Its just over, so what does one do when a R is over? Cry, grieve, pack the photos away. This has all been so damaging for me, its like the bottoms fallen out of my world. Think I need another year.
Listen to what naej is saying! She is wise, I think! You cannot be a fool for loving....
I think it is time to spend time relearning how to be you. I think you've made more progress there than it feels like to you, but there is more to do. I haven't heard you spending time on your art lately, maybe a project that helps get your feelings out of you might be good, liberating. I expect it will hurt to do it, but I also expect it might be a really strong piece of work, and that you could feel a lot better when it is done.
The only other thing I would say is that before you ring the bell you should probably tell him how you feel about him, and ask him if there is any chance of a future. It isn't a very DB move, but before you absolutely quit, it seems to me to be a good idea. Just maybe he would like things to be different, but he is afraid they can't be.
before you ring the bell you should probably tell him how you feel about him, and ask him if there is any chance of a future. It isn't a very DB move, but before you absolutely quit, it seems to me to be a good idea.
...thats what I was thinking the last 2 weeks, but he must be psychic because he wont deal with me. He hasnt called in that time (I've called him twice on the days he said he was going to call me) and he wont agree to meet, eventhough there is a reason to meet (to sign the lease). I am desperate to have a conversation with him and he isnt going to allow it. Its really horrible and frustrating and I feel sick and anxious.
He said on Saturday he would call me when he was better, Sunday or Monday...well its 7pm now...but I have a feeling he wont call, again. I cant believe he has done this to me a second time, and again without letting me know, just avoiding me. Or is that what people do when they split up.
Quote:
Just maybe he would like things to be different, but he is afraid they can't be.
hmm...not sure about this? Do you mean because he is flawed and anxious and "mental" as he keeps telling me? There have been a couple of incidents over the years which I have been thinking about today, not to do with me, but that it highlights that he has some deep seated issues. I cant tell anyone about it and he wouldnt really discuss it with me in recent years, just said it was all in the past (clearly it wasnt).
I dont know if thats why he left me and its very frustrating, or whether its not that big a deal. Its like I know we had a good R, but maybe his issues killed it. Or, is it nothing to do with that, just that I was a rubbish GF!?
I dont know what I will be like on the phone in a while, if he does call, I am feeling very wobbly. Although, as he didnt email me today, I'm fairly certain he wont call.
((((((Ali)))))) I'm thinking that there may be a part of him that does want to get back together (maybe not, but work with me!). But, he thinks that he is too flawed. Or, he is afraid that the same thing would happen again. Or he thinks he hurt you too much. So, if he lets you talk to him, and any of that sounds possible, you might be able to reassure him. I think it is a long shot, but at this point, what's to lose?
And let's not even talk about the possibility that you were a rubbish GF, ok?
He's got you hanging on a string though Ali... the problem really is that he's yanking you any which way his mood swings. I'm not even saying it's on purpose... I'm just saying it's the end result.
FWIW The no sleep thing IS a by product of certain ADs. Some people react to them by not being able to sleep. I actually have sleeping pills to help me sleep... I wouldn't be with out them...and my ADs. I have a few other friends on various other pill versions of ADs with the same problems, so there is truth to that. That aside, yes there are times that I want to just roll into a ball like your guy is saying. But it does sound like he's using stuff as an excuse. Perhaps though this is more reflection on him than anything to do with you. Sometimes it's just easy to slip into "victim" mode. It really is. Yeah... there are days I still feel all sorry for my little ole self etc,... and other days I can go wack golf balls. Some folks depression is just more complex than others. If he's all over the map... he may be for a very long time. It's not a reflection on you, it's a reflection on his problems and how he is handling them. And YES... in some respects choosing to handle them. He does sound like he spends way too much time feeling sorry for himself and like VH says... maybe he feels too flawed.
Never the less... you need to take care of you. If he's able to put you in such a funk cuz he doesn't phone... you need to find a good place for you. Only you can answer where that will be.
*Hugs* Abbey
Last edited by Abbey; 08/18/0806:43 PM.
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
