Please help me to not give up............

[grant]

Hi TD, and thanks again for posting. There is a great resonance in your comments about a woman's perspective on a man spending time with her children. I know for certain that it has played a huge part in her dissatisfaction with me as a husband. She has openly said that she has noticed the change in my relationship with my kids since our separation, and plainly likes the improvement. This is in part her great attraction to OP, as he spends time with not only his kids but (unfortunately) mine also.

While I'm not in a position to affect greatly the amount of time this OP spends around my children, I guess my being there more would lessen the opportunities to display his "selfless, desirable qualities to my wife.

My problem is that in making a move back home, it will alienate her further, she will move out, and it's the big D train. Although, there is an increasing part of me that wants something to change..... almost anything would be better than the current state of limbo.

I'm really thinking about the 2 day thing TD, but if I do make moves to go home, and my wife feels she has to move out, my opportunity to control if, and when I go to work becomes very difficult if she won't be at the family home to take care of them in my absence.

I have to DO something though. I can't stand just waiting around for her to push the button. Reclaiming my right to be and live in my own home whenever I choose, with due consideration to my family arrangements, is something I feel increasingly lead to pursue.

As far as personal changes are concerned, the sexual issues are HUGE for her, and though she knows I have had therapy and am involved in the 12 step programme, the sex "thing" has been around in the background of our marriage for a very long time. It's true, that perhaps if she had met my needs more, then I wouldn't have been so susceptible to the online experience. But as you rightly surmised, her feelings were that I was not meeting her needs emotionally, and so it's the old "chicken and egg" thing.

Your words of encouragement are so helpful to me, and I never see what you write as judging or blaming me, as I'm only too painfully aware of the errors I have made.

I did return to my parents family home this week, to reconnect with them and my sister and family. They live at the opposite end of the country, and I don't get to see them often. It was a huge boost to be around people who genuinely care for me and love me for who I am, and while they are aware of the problems that I might have visited upon my marriage, they always provided support and empathy for my situation. It certainly helped to alleviate some of the intense loneliness and isolation I have recently felt having been removed from my home life and extended family and friends. It did also make me think that perhaps I should be taking a stronger stand about having to move out of my home and to have to live in a tiny box room. Perhaps, I'm thinking that attitude might be benificial to my PMA.

I guess she's gonna do what she's gonna do, so if I really come to believe that is the best way forward for me personally at the moment, then I must go for it.
Yikes! I'm scared.

Thanks again.