Sounds like you are doing well. Good job!!! That would have been so hard. I would so have wanted to go and get the workbench from the shed too!
Actually like you my H is deathly afraid of spiders, only at least up until now he hasn't been embarrassed to get me to take care of them for him. My guess is it would be different now though!
Anyway it sounds like you have some real positives in your situation at the moment. Keep up the good work :). Let's hope at least a few of us can move to piecing in the next couple of months :).
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
TD - Thanks I hope that white elephant does go soon. When are you going to start a new thread. I was going to ask about your weekend but I couldn't find your thread. Your situation is always so encouraging to others.
Lola - Obviously I accept my part in the separation and that my actions weren't great but also it was bad timing with him starting this new job and being around those people. He did get influenced by them and they played a big part - of course my reaction to it wasn't helpful either. I let them be the greener grass I see now. He said to me when he left that the reason he was leaving was that he wanted to focus on his new job and his new friends (i.e. this guy from work). I think he did kind of idolise him. But I'm glad he has seen he is weird cos frankly he is - he's a really strange person. Not a bad person, and I didn't ever dislike him he just does some strange stuff and the affairs thing weren't great. Not a good friend for a married man.
ITH - Thank you for your encouraging words. I used to have to remove the spiders from the house if my h saw one. I am petrified of rodents so I understand his fear but have no problem with spiders. It would be wonderful for some of us to move to piecing. I just worry sometimes that I found DBing way too late in my sitch and have done too much damage. At least if I don't succeed with saving my marriage I can divorce with dignity which wouldn't have happened before finding DBing.
Julia! you are doing an amazing job- i can picture you laughing to yourself about the sider webs! also- you let him take the lead and kept everything peaceful....
you are really building a friendly environment...
you should be so proud of yourself...
you seem so relaxed and DETACHED! that is a huge step
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
I'm so glad your day with H went well. It sounded like you did great. And he e-mailed you a puppy picture! How cute. The fact that he initiated contact is great. And the spider thing cracked me up! Kudos for you not saying anything about it.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
Sounds like things are going well for you...keep it up!
Also, I wanted to let you know my DB Coach recommended a book called Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands...it's aimed at us womens lib types...you might want to pick it up. It was very enlightening for me to read.
hey sweet girl I only got to read your post about your day of house improvements with H and I just wanted to tell you that it sounds great!!!! I really liked "why didn't we do this a long time ago??" And how you restrained yourself from going out for the bits and bobs with him (who knows, maybe that was his way of taking a needed breather from an intrinsically intense situation). You handled everything so well. Don't beat yourself up about being too chatty... you are reflecting and can always adjust!!! It might have even helped him feel a bit more normal and comfortable.
from my POV there are tons of positives... just keep 'em coming!!
I will post more later, I just got back from iowa and need to go to sleep!!!
Well, no word from h as yet about meeting up. I have had really good PMA all day and have felt very detached from the situation. I'm having a momentary urge to fix things at the moment so I thought I would post here instead. I am hoping it will pass really quickly; I am staying away from my phone.
One good thing that happened today was that I had applied for a discount on my council tax as you get 25% off if you live in a single occupancy house. They wrote to me and said that I only have to pay £40 a month instead of £140 as they have back dated the discount since he left. I hope this means that we shouldn't go over our overdraft this month if h doesn't meet me to discuss the bank stuff. This is a huge weight off my mind. I had been aware you could apply for a discount for a while but it meant admitting that my h no longer lives here and it has taken me a long time to get to that place. If I'd know that it would have eased my money worries I would have done it way sooner!
I have booked a DB coaching session for tomorrow to re-assess things. I am going to keep up no contact at least till then and see what she comes up with. *Sigh* I wish h would take some responsibility but the good thing is I don't need him to take responsibility.
I have been in a good mood all day, I'm just having a lull!
Julia you are doing great. I am glad to hear that the taxes are going down, more money in the pocket is always a good thing!!! Can you maybe treat yourself with the xtra?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Well then there you go!!! But try to do something for you...manicure, pedicure, massage...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I hope that white elephant does go soon. When are you going to start a new thread. I was going to ask about your weekend but I couldn't find your thread. Your situation is always so encouraging to others.