You have GOT to find the calm, middle ground between your prior placating/pleasing behavior towards her and the rage you're feeling now. I know it's not easy. But what you're going for is "Yes, I love you, but I am no longer to allow myself to be disrespected this way, and my own emotional health is more important to me right now than my need to have you in my life. So I must protect myself, and protect our kids, and I can assure you, I will do both."
If it helps motivate you any better, know that the CALMER YOU ARE, the MORE IT WILL PISS HER OFF.
