God give me the patience and the strength...6

[theotherhalf]

No, No, No, DoH your right. I AM following advice now. I haven't because I was so afraid that it wouldn't work w/my H. I was afraid that if I left him alone that I would lose him for sure. I think now, that I have given OW and the beer can too much power over "us". I am still afraid, I won't lie. I really don't know if our foundation is strong enough to get through this. But after the last confrontation with H I had to let go for me. I can't take the rejection from him again. If he chooses to D. I will accept that.

2 Weeks ago he really had me convinced that this time he was going to file. And that it really may be over this time. That is why I am shaking my head after this weekend. And I don't know that I believe it's because of anything I did or didn't do. It's just him spinning.

I posted about NC last night because I want all that have been yelling at me that I am listening this time. And I am not going to fall into the same pattern anymore. I am leaving H to lead the way. And in the meantime I AM now doing things for me and the girls.

As far as GAL. There isn't much. As I am a homebody. I spent over year going out. Partying it up. Had a great time. But at the end of everynight. I came home alone. Nothing changed. Now I spend my days doing things with my girls. I work in my garden. I am doing things that have fell to the wayside in and outside of my home. Doing things on the farm that need done. I still go out on occasion but not everyweekend anymore just to show him "I'm moving on". I am keeping busy but now doing it the way TOH enjoys. I am hoping to get my paints back out soon and get back into that.

Really DoH thanks for posting to me. I really need all the help I can get. It's because of all of you dear people that I am able to understand what my H is going through. It's you that give me the strength to keep standing for my H and my M.