Having seen yourself slip down the pecking order in your W list of priorities and she now uses D7 as a human shield to avoid intimacy do you have a feeling that there is an OM or such like distractions, or is just the fact that her business has taken off and she is totally immersing herself in that. What are your instincts telling you. I know in my sitch when there was an OM W would avoid all contact with me and she would even cover up so I could not see any naked flesh whatsoever.
If there is no OM then you just need to follow the advise of SMW and go about and create your own happiness, do some things for you, just as we would advise anyone to do in the early phase of their sitch's
Take care
Lanzo
PS funny story for you.
D6 and W have been sharing a bed at the IL's while our house is being renovated. Like in your sitch D6 now sees sleeping with W as her place and guards it jealously. This weekend when I stayed over I put D6 in the spare room after she fell asleep and I slept with W. Well early in the morning D wakes up and was a bit miffed to find herself put out so she came into our room slapped me on the head and said "you've got 10 minutes then we're swapping places". I couldn't believe that coming from a 6 year old, but it did make me laugh. Anyway lets say I used my 10 minutes wisely.
Having seen yourself slip down the pecking order in your W list of priorities and she now uses D7 as a human shield to avoid intimacy do you have a feeling that there is an OM or such like distractions, or is just the fact that her business has taken off and she is totally immersing herself in that. What are your instincts telling you. I know in my sitch when there was an OM W would avoid all contact with me and she would even cover up so I could not see any naked flesh whatsoever.
If there is no OM then you just need to follow the advise of SMW and go about and create your own happiness, do some things for you, just as we would advise anyone to do in the early phase of their sitch's
Take care
Lanzo
PS funny story for you.
D6 and W have been sharing a bed at the IL's while our house is being renovated. Like in your sitch D6 now sees sleeping with W as her place and guards it jealously. This weekend when I stayed over I put D6 in the spare room after she fell asleep and I slept with W. Well early in the morning D wakes up and was a bit miffed to find herself put out so she came into our room slapped me on the head and said "you've got 10 minutes then we're swapping places". I couldn't believe that coming from a 6 year old, but it did make me laugh. Anyway lets say I used my 10 minutes wisely.
LMBO Lan! But hey, you got to admire your D6's spunk!
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
I know where your daughter gets her spunk.....Lan i have always admired your direct to the point questions. Not too many folks would ask the OM question. Well, here is my answer.....I have decided a long time ago not to snoop, therefore, all I have is my gut feelings. I have to be honest, with what happened in the past, I sometimes think OM (if there ever was one / no proof other than that vacation and airport sitch....ah who am i kidding anyways....let me rephrase that....) is back in the picture and that is leeding to the human shield sitch. yesterday I had a little chat with W and It may be realted to her business but honestly she had been a pretty sexual person for the longest time. So to naswer your question Lan my gut says the OM may be lurking again. So what do I do? Wait it out? Snoop around and try to catch her? I could sure use ten minutes. I now find myself looking at woman at the supermarket in ways that i never did in a long time.....
You and I are roughly about the same stage in our sitch and the level of intimacy for me has dropped but it hasn't come to a standstill W isn't jumping my brains, but she is still allowing me to touch her. Your W not allowing you to get near her was on my mind cos if that we happening in my sitch I would suspect OM, but one or two other things would have to fall into place for confirmation.
In my sitch I've learnt trust my gut feeling, its not usually wrong, but it get confused by a WAW who is in full on Alien mode telling great big lies. However for you it could be that W is jut thinking about OM or past events and seeing good John in front of her is stirring up alls sorts of emotions and she protects herself by distancing herself from you. However if you confronted her about it or just let your feelings be know it could get turned round on you, and you could get accused of not trusting, or wrecking your new found happiness, and W could use that as a cue to act on something that was pending or still up in the air.(This happened to me in the past)
So no need to snoop you just have to let things play out in the meantime do something to keep your mind occupied and off W and off the ladies in the supermarket, however doing a little window shopping does you no harm.
Buddy, I'm sorry you are finding yourself in this situation. My only advice is consistant with that you've already received. Make your own happiness. When you are positive and independent she seems to react better to you. Read back and think about when she responded the best to you. It's when you were the most independent and the most positive.
Be positive John. Try just a little harder. Don't set traps to test her. It's never going to work out well.
I agree with Woog. Pretty much every day I find something I could dwell on to make me unhappy about my current situation. I have to mentally "turn the channel" b/c otherwise I could so easily escalate things and wind up arguing or being bitter. I know you aren't doing that with your W, I just mean that setting any traps/snooping won't lead you anywhere good.
My H is also uninterested in sex right now. He keeps saying we need a stronger emotional bond. Seems like crap to me coming from a man, right? But with our Retro weekend we are communicating a lot better and it seems like he is truly desiring for us to stay together and rebuild the relationship. Part of me wonders about OW and if she is a reason he doesn't want to be intimate. But going down that road will make me moody and pathetic or bitchy and overbearing and neither will bring my H closer to me...
I am hearing the negative side of John come out more these days. So apparently things with W are sliding back to the old pattern? Leaving you out of her work/social life, "hiding" behind D7 to avoid being too close to you? Guess, if you are still interested, it means time to ramp up the efforts like you were a few months ago.
Take care John. I want you to enjoy your life....not just to settle.
Guys, Thanks for your words. I will try a little harder and / or ramp up the efforts. BBJ, you sound like my sister "I want you to enjoy your life....not just to settle". I will keep you guys posted.
Yep, Bbj is our little sister and since John adn I once said we are family too we are all a BIG FAMILY!!!
John, I have nothing else/new/creative to say than what our friends and family already did. I am always here, reading. I would like to see you smile again a bit. K
