Supportive and Proud Weather She Likes it or Not!!

[Continuing]

Hey man,
Infuriating, isn't? Sometimes I just want to throw a chair out a window or stand on the street corner and scream. I few weeks ago I was watching "Walk the Line" and there is a scene in it where Joaquin Phenoix as Jonny Cash gets really pissed after a botched performance with Reese Witherspoon, walks back to his dressing room and proceeds to rip a sink of the wall and smash a mirror. I thought to myself. 'ya, thats about right.'

I actually enjoy the little brief periods of time when I am enveloped in anger...or rage to be honest. Its seems to be, at least for me, a more satisfing feeling than pain or sorrow. I think it is healthy to get in touch with our anger (its there whether we admit it or not; i think many of us LBS's fear this anger), not to act out on it, but to use it. Anger can strengthen us, it can temper us like steel when we are buffeted by the storms these WAW's hurl at us. And, ultimately, will we need to work through this anger; the first step is to recognize it.

In conclusion: I'm pissed, too!! (...sometimes...when I'm brave enough to let myself be....)

i need to embrace the for myself part. i still do things to win her back and feel like a failure when it does not happen. I need to release this stuff, and let her chase me.

And then this; this is it. I mean IT, IMO. This is my struggle right now. This is where the pains of growing are coming from. I think we must, must, must become new; and not so we can get our W's back or save the relationship.

I've said this a few times but a quote the rocked my world recently was "Fear is the natural reaction to moving closer to the truth". And this "truth" which fear points to is something about ourselves, something that is deep and core to who we are and it is being brought to light and challenged by our situations. So I asked myself "Why am I really afraid of losing my wife?" And my, where the answers have taken me...

Maybe, just maybe, the truth will set us free. Perhap this truth can take us to a place where relationships aren't a necessity but an enrichment; where we do not NEED but seek to be in relationship with others out of a wish for true intimacy.

I think this is the bridge that will get you to where you said you want to be in the above quote

But...

I think you are right on when you say you need to embrace the 'for myself thing'. But to me that quote reads like a contradiction (its totally possible that I am misreading it or am missing the meaning you are trying to convey).
You first say that you need to stop doing things in order to get a response out of her because when it doesn't work out the way you hoped/planned you feel bummed (perhaps an understatement...). Then you say you need to release this way of being...so she can chase you. To me that sounds like another calculated attempt to evoke a reaction out of her, which means you are still the a state of being and acting that you just said you wanted to let go of, which is NOT truely releasing this old way of being...or her.

Just an observation, may be true, may not be...just thought i'd point it out and see what you think.

Ok...sorry for the long post but your last few posts resonated with me; you are struggling through things that I am too.

There so much more in you last post that I can connect with and empathize with but this is enought for now.

This is Continuing, requesting a flyby...