I think you did fantastically yesterday- now watch and wait for baby steps and changes. I'm sure he noticed how different you were yesterday and will be thinking on things.
Definitely reply from the married name account, especially if he took it as rejection that you didn't change your name. But I agree with Jen- no mention of his comment about which one you're using.
I'm in a crappy mood about my own sitch, but I think I can empathsize with the name change thing. I was the same way...gave H crap about wanting to keep my own identity by keeping my own maiden name. I eventually did change my name, but I think my protests hurt him very deeply. In retrospect when I look back on it I think "what a bitch". To be very honest, I really didn't have any concern about my own identity I was just being a liberated woman and for what? So I could emasculate a man that at the time loved me so much it oozed from his every pore. What I wouldn't give for a small speckle of that love now.
Anyway, I'm getting wordsy...bottom line...email him from your married account...it's the little things...ya know? He obviously is fishing to see if you are trying to ditch his name. Knowing you aren't might make him feel good.
I ditto everyone on the married account name. If you REALLY want to make a statement get rid of the other account entirely. That way if he sends to both accounts again in the future he would see that it no longer exists but the married one does. The ultimate acceptance of his name. He could even see the fact that you held on to the maiden named account as "hedging your bets". JMHO
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I'll ditto Mishka...I like the idea of deleting your maiden name account, all you have to do is let all the people who us your maiden name account know you're deleting it (they don't need to know why). Don't send your H the email tho and let him figure it out on his own.
Great idea Mishka
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Thanks guys. Actually i only use my maiden name email for junk anyway. He did this a while ago actually, we went bowling months ago and he typed my name on the board with my maiden name initials then said how's that? And I said fine but you've mistyped my name. I then anti-dbusted (in my defense I didn't know then) and said I'm married to you.
I'll reply tomorrow and say thanks. I will wait and see if he contacts me this week, I won't initiate I don't think. He did say he would contact me and so far he has stuck to that. If he doesn't by Thursday I'll re-assess as it is coming up to mortgage time again.
I asked him about how his friend at work was. He went a bit funny and didn't want to talk about it and said he had gone strange. I just said, oh and left it. This friend was the biggest influence on my h before h left me. He was a new friend that h had just met and h preferred spending time with him. This friend also had just broken up with his long-term girlfriend and was having an affair with someone in HR who was engaged to someone else. He drunk a lot of alcohol and was the one that kept my h out all the time instead of coming home to me. It is quite interesting that this relationship has gone soar and I am pleased he is out of the picture. Combine that with his frustrations with his job and I think there is an opportunity for me to be the greener grass.
Also, something quite funny that happened. We were going to paint some strips of wood and h asked how we should do it. I suggested using his work bench, he asked me where it was and I said the shed. H went out to get it and he opened the door and walked into a load of spiders webs. A) he is petrified of spiders and B) he can't stand being sticky of having bits of stuff on him. It was like a great John Cleese moment and it was really funny (I was in the house and h didn’t know I had seen). When he came back I didn't say anything, he just said that it wasn't in there. Instead of me saying yes it is, going to the shed and producing it (which I would have done before). I just said ok, we'll have to improvise and h came up with the idea that we used. Also, big 180 I didn't take the p*** out of him for his overreaction to the spiders web so his pride was intact. Although the image of him trying to get a bit of web off his nose will stay with me for quite a while lol!
You were incredible!!!!! Fantastic job. The white elephant thing is normal. It will become more relaxed each time. I am impressed.....you DB'ed you butt off!
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
Let me ask you, do you think his friend had anything to do with the S? I ask because my H has a friend who is a playah playah, and they started hanging right before we split. I think that there was definitely some influence there.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Few and far between........
Thanks guys. Actually i only use my maiden name email for junk anyway. He did this a while ago actually, we went bowling months ago and he typed my name on the board with my maiden name initials then said how's that? And I said fine but you've mistyped my name. I then anti-dbusted (in my defense I didn't know then) and said I'm married to you.