Trixi trying to find moorage

[Dom R]

hiya Trixi,

So, yes, I am shackled/trapped right now because H and I are "exclusively dating" and I am not ready to call him out. I don't know how to "exclusively date" someone and also "move on" "go dim",etc.

Trixie...
how did you two ever move from "dating exclusively", to "get married" in the first place?

Did he actually propose to you?

If so... why not think about how you would have handled it, if he had not?

Men are simpler than you imagine.
You're making things too complicated.
Instead of thinking about your loong years of history.... I think that you should "start with a beginners mind", as michelle likes to say... and pretend that you are really at the beginning again.

Treat him as though you were never married. as though you are not married NOW.
(because, lets face it dearie.. you ARENT, in practical terms )

Treat him as though you just met him, in july 2007, and that's when you started "dating".
How would you treat a man, who you have only known that long, and has treated you like he has until then?
A man that you are still (for some strange reason ) interested in something more serious with, but is reluctant to commit to you?



PS: I dont think you should beat yourself up, about accepting his spontaneous invite. Nor do i think you did badly, to engage in an "R talk", that he(?) started. The only sad part in my mind, is that you did not reply strongly enough to him, with his crap about how he loves you.
I think you did better than you have in the past but you have a ways to go, before you are strong enough to jog him out of his current attitude when he talks like that.

He's still in "you should be grateful that you have me" mode.
And you're accepting that.

Lets look at what you said to him, in that light.you told him, "i love you more than you love me".
His response would be... "yeah, ok. you do. So arent you glad i'm still around? cause if you love me so much, i'm doing you a favour, by being around you".

See the problem?