The Princess and the Bog..........................

[LL44]

I am getting unstuck from this man.

That's on my To-Do list as well.

Funny you made the water references. I have had a ton of drowning dreams. Some I am by myself, and some I am holding one of our girls and can't reach the surface.

[Ready2Change]

...I feel like I've been scuba diving so deep that I have to slowly go to the surface. Go too fast and you get the bends. Dawdle too long and you run out of oxygen. Either option can create a sense of panic if I don't remain calm....

I think we are nearing the surface.

[Gypsy]

Hey ms lwb..

After I told my sister about the scuba diving image, she suggested that I was flailing about, trying this and that thing to try and make sense of what was going on. With no answers, I just keep thrashing. "Let go of it all, give it over." was her response. A drowning victim can't be saved until they stop thrashing. Only then can people come in and help them. Just let go. I have great friends, a wonderful therapist, incredible family and very good lawyer. I can let go and trust in my safety net.

It made sense. It helps in dealing with my daughter's sadness. Her tears are a good thing, acting as a catalyst for her sorrow to come pouring out.. whether it's from a sense of abandonment, loss of the ratties or family, or just teenage hormones. I'm here for her.. not to fix it (which is what I had done when I felt powerless over her pain), I'm not going anywhere.

I'm letting go of the marriage, the guy, the stuff. When I told my sister about my concern that I don't know how to have fun, she tsk'd, laughing that she does the same thing. For us, 'fun' symbolizes the epitome of the best Christmas with firewords on top of it. Fun doesn't have to be massive. Fun is the moments found. Fun is writing here, hugging my daughter, walking barefoot in grass, feeling great after a shower. Fun is what brings a smile.

A friend told me to pick three things to give myself when the divorce is finalized.. three things I wouldn't normally do for myself. I've come up with two.. and am still thinking about a third.

Feeling better but still eating crap... one thing at a time.

*hugshugshugs*

[Gypsy]

Hey Ready..

You sound so much calmer, at peace. It's so soothing.

*hugs*

[Ready2Change]

Hey!

What two things are you going to give yourself?

[Ready2Change]

Not sure about the eating thing, but I am buying fresh fruit, displaying it nicely on the table and eating it as snacks....Kids are grazing on it to which is nice....

[Ready2Change]

Of course I still had cookies and milk tonight. The new chips ahoy with peanut butter.........

[Gypsy]

Well... one's a little embarrassing. Doing something to permanently remove those pesky hairs which appear at odd times under my chin. I guess it's the women's equivalent of men's nose and ear hairs gone wild.

The second is to hire a personal trainer.

I haven't thought of the third though I know I would love to travel.

If you're going to indulge in cookies, may I recommend a personal favorite.. Double Chocolate Milanos. They are divine with milk.

Thanks for asking. Answering questions about things where I feel self conscious is good practice. Gypsy 1, Fear 0.

Today my daughter was calmer about the ratties, though missing them was something mentioned often. She asked me if I'd let her get them back. I asked her what she thought. "I asked you first, Mom." I told she's the one who in the end will decide.

Right before sunset she initiated cleaning the cage. It's pretty big.. at least 4 feet high. This is the first time she's ever done it. I helped when she asked me. It's a new and interesting experience having her find her own path.

I'm there for her, I'm not going anywhere.. but this is hers.

*hugs*

*hugs*

[smartcookie]

There you go again talking about those double chocolate milano's. Yum !!

Hugs

My D had those cute baby turtles, red eared sliders, that start out the size of a quarter. They grew. We had 4. They started to stink like a swamp, & they were in her bedroom. It was a sad but necessary day when we returned them to the pet store. She remembers them fondly, but doesn't want anymore stinky pets.

Hugs

[Ready2Change]

Here goes my validation:

Those sound like great gifts to yourself. You deserve them!


But, I am still a fixer, so:

So why do you wait for D to be finalized? I would think you could do those now.


For $20, Mark Verstegen "Core performance essentials" and a workout partner will be cheaper and more effective than a personal trainer (IMO). All you need to do is set your mind to it and then do it. A partner will keep you motivated and give you support, but I know YOU can do it on your own.

The plan is excellent and I have had good results. It is taking me longer to move up through the levels (Stress of D has done a toll on my body), but I am thinner, stronger, more flexible and stable, and will be moving into the strength level soon.

Mark's plan is a lifestyle guide and I can't recommend it enough (kind of like recommending DR to people with relationship issues).