For the Guy with Kids and a WW 10

[hopeful4her]

I am back home now. Just left GBG's to leave off my kids. She had invited me to stay for dinner, but I didn't really answer her.

Well get to that later.

My weekend was WAY hard.

Started on Friday. Good day with the kids. Six Flags late afternoon. Lots fun as usual, but seeing all the couples and families was really hard. So, I got a little sad but recovered pretty well.

Took S14 back to his mothers afterwards because he had made plans to go to the movies with some friends and then video movie night with his mom. Leaving him off was before GBG got off of work, so I didn't have any contact with her.

As a matter of fact, she did not contact the girls at all on Friday, which was very strange. I had the girls call her about 11:30pm before bed, but no answer. I called S14's phone. He was back at the apartment already with GBG. I told him the girls just tried to call mom.
"Yeah, she's here, but we are trying to get a pillow out of the washer that is stuck in there.

I guess she now has a washer/dryer.

But, still no call later.

I invited S11's best friend to go to the coast with us. She's the daughter of my best friend and she spent the night on Friday with us.

Picked up S14 Saturday morning back at GBG's apartment. I had planned on getting an early start but woke up late. Missed GBG by about 30 minutes. Found out she got up late too.

On the way to my parents house, we have to pass by where GBG works. One glance towards her work and seeing her vehicle put me in an emotional funk the WHOLE day. On the way to the coast, fighting back breaking down. I mean, FIGHTING. S14 noticed my mood.

Halfway there, who do you think calls me? Yup.

I took the call. Just calling to see what I'm up to. I tell her what we're doing. She tells me about her last couple of day. I talk about mine. She asks how the kids are taking things. Some chit chat.

Its uncanny. But I ended up going back to how I was feeling. By the time we get there, I'm even slightly sniffling. At one point, S14 reaches over and picks up my sunglasses to see my eyes. Unload, unpack and hit the pool, I'm drinking in some beers with my dad. Do a little swimming and then the girls want to hit the beach. S14 even has to tell me to lighten up. I tell him I'm trying. Off to the beach, they are having a blast. I stay on the beach. Lying down watching them, I can't hold back any more. The tears come. Praying to God to help me. After only a few hours, my parents and sister decide to head to the hotel to eat. I notice I missed a call from GBG. VM says she is just getting off of work, does she need to go check on puppies. I return her call, but no answer. I leave a VM asking her to check on them if she can. I stay with the kids except S14. He goes with my family. The girls go walking down the beach looking for hermit crabs.

A couple hours later, I'm sitting on the beach with the sun going down. I am nearly the only one there. At least an hour by myself. Watching the sunset, a peace fell over me. It was beautiful.

I'm going to be ok.

We head back to the hotel, wash up, get some dinner and watch the Olympics. Everyone to sleep, D11 and I got to see the replay of the eight gold medals and got to see the mens 100 meter. That was AMAZING.

Today was MUCH better for me. I even mentioned it to the kids. I also talked to my mom. Told her about me struggling yesterday. She said it showed. She know it's hard doing things like this alone. Family vacation stuff. It has to be expected.

It rained all day. Even all the way home, and its a 2 1/2 hour drive. Getting into town, I call GBG to tell her we are in town and on our way. I called her because I didn't want any surprises at her place. She asked just where we were. I tell her.
"Do you have any cokes?"
"No. No sodas. Got waters and juices."
"Okay. Do want to stay for dinner? I'm cooking. I started cooking earlier and then I fell asleep."
"So your on fire?"
"Yeah, I woke up and it was smokey. I burned dinner and had to start over again."
"So you want a coke?"
"I just want to wake up."
"Okay, we'll be there in 20 minutes."
5 minutes later, she calls and tells me not to worry about getting a coke. She found one.
I never really answered her about dinner. I KNEW I should say no. I have things to do.

I get to the apartment. Unload the kids. I actually find some cola's in my ice chest that my dad must have put in. I ask her if she wants them. I also ask her if she wants some leftover beers. She says sure. I notice a couple candles lit.

I explain to her that I need to meet friend to drop of his daughter at a nearby gas station. He did not want her to stay to have dinner with GBG.

"Why doesn't he just pick her up here?"
"Because he wants me to meet him at the gas station." I left it at that, but she knows why.

Leaving, I go ahead and tell my kids goodbye, like I'm not coming back. D11 is sad.
"I'm going to miss you dad."
She looks down.
GBG tells her, "You know you can call him. Cheer up. Daddys a big boy."

I left and went to leave off our "other" daughter. I fully intended to go home, but then S14 calls me.
"Dad, where is my bag?"
"Your sister got it, didn't she?"
"No, its not here."

It was in the back. Not sure how the hell we missed it. I have to go back. Now I'm wandering if she is going to invite me again. Say anything. I turn off my car and lock it. Take the bag. At the door, I hand it over to S14. GBG yells from the kitchen,
"Ask your dad if he wants to stay for dinner."
S14 asks me. I "consider" it.

"Okay, let me turn off my car and go lock it up."

We sit for dinner, she talks about her weekend. We talk about ours. D11 says how she misses having family dinners. GBG says we can still have family dinners some days. I don't say anything. She starts to tell us how she woke up late on Saturday and barely got to work. She is laughing and so is S14. D6 says, in that little voice that kids have,

"Why, was Tommmmm here?"
She kind of ignored it. So did I, but I'm sure something showed on my face. I never looked at GBG. She said a couple other things and then looks at D6 and said,
"And no, Tom was NOT here."

She tells me how she cleaned up S14's room at the house and now the girls can have the separate rooms. I tell her we've talked about it and they changed their minds. They want to stay together in the same room. She also mentions how she wants to help me pull up the carpet. It smells now after the puppies and the dogs. I'm like, what is she talking about. What does she even give a CRAP!

I forgot, when I was helping clear off the dining table, the Retro packet was on the table with the info out. Other stuff was stacked on it, but that means she looked at it.

After dinner, we talk about school coming up. Our plans. What is best for the girls as far as what we can do with D6 and such. I was nice and talked a little more than my usual. I stayed for about 1 1/2 hours. Then I decided to leave. Before I left, I whispered to D11,

"Mom thinks you were being sad because you are worried about me being alone at home. She doesn't realize that it because you are going to miss me. Be sure and tell her why your sad if she asks. Don't let her think something if it isn't true, okay. Don't forget that I'm okay, ok?"

She had brought our big dog Cocoa to the apartment and we decide that I need to take her back home. Moe is staying to be picked up my SIL in the morning to go get fixed. GBG walks me out to the car and I get the dog into the car. I verify that she is taking a few days off this coming week and ask if she is going out of town, too. She says yes. Laredo and the coast, too. She had a really sad look on her face, but I acted like nothing. I think I said to myself how she was maybe going to miss the dog or something.

I give a quick goodbye and leave.

Man, did I want to go for a hug, but of course I'm not going to.
Your mind tends to race and think that NOW is the time that she is going to come out of it. Tell me how she has given up OM and is sorry for what she has done. A long embrace and deep kiss.
Okay, I did in my head. You know, I even almost texted something to her Saturday night. That's how sh*tty I felt. I was missing the hell out of her.

I shouldn't have stayed for dinner. I didn't intend to. After S14 called me, I had to reconsider. Like I thought something was telling me something, again. I took it as a sign. So I stayed. Except for D6 saying what she did, I stayed a confident, strong man.

A man that I hope deep down inside, she misses too.

Overall, a great weekend and week. Just hard.