(((nc)))... You will find someone else one day that will appreciate what you can give them, and you are more wiser than you were when this all started.
*hugs*
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Thanks, Tal, I hope you're right -- I sure hope I can do better next time, as I am beginning to doubt I have ever been a good judge of W's character. If I don't wise up from this, learn a valuable lesson from these mistakes, then I am capable of repeating this heartache. I'm not so sure I could survive another one like this.
Originally Posted By: bright_new_day
Be proud of yourself as well.
BND, I got almost the same advice from my IC this afternoon. He told me to recognize that I am being a good father to my S's, and to take solace in that. W can't take that away. He said my S's too will one day recognize just who provided the real stability in their lives, who stood for them and their family. Even if (worst case scenario) W got her wish to usurp my position in their lives and put her OM in my place (which is what I stand against), my S's would still recognize who their real father is. W would only be undermining her own credibility and trust in their eyes.
I am right! People like us go a lot on faith and that's what we lean on. If the person doesn't end up being what we thought, its due to so many things, its got nothing to do with our own judgment of character, things just happen.
You are a good father, and YOU should be proud of that, don't LET her take that away.
((((nc))))
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
You need to read Colorado Bulldog's thread. His wife is pulling pretty much the same stunts and somethings that are even worse. You are right though. If you keep doing what you're doing with your boys, they will know without a doubt that there is only 1 Dad. It really doesn't matter what your W tells them. They WILL know!
Make sure you always have your name on their records concerning school and any outside activity they may be involved in. Judging from what you've written, you don't want to hear how your kids are doing through the grapevine. You do have rights but you might have to fight her for them and remind her from time to time.
Hopefully when this relationship with OM runs it's course, (as eventually it will) communication will get easier. In the meantime keep doing what you're doing. You are a great Dad!
Thanks, Tal, I hope you're right -- I sure hope I can do better next time, as I am beginning to doubt I have ever been a good judge of W's character.
I've had this same thought too! But I'm thinking in my case and maybe yours too, I think when you love someone you do tend to see them with rose-colored glasses and that's not a bad thing maybe.
But I know my H has changed a lot the past 2 years, having an affair, putting himself in front of the kids and doing a lot of immoral stuff. I mean he was a Sunday School teacher 3 years ago and more religious than I. Yeah, he was always a bit selfish and self-centered, but the past year or 2 he's off the charts I think. I mean honestly if you met your W now I don't think you'd spend more than 2 minutes with her if that and would never get involved with her now. If I met my H now, I wouldn't give him 2 seconds!!! Karen
Bethie, thanks for the complement. I haven't located Bulldog's thread as yet. Which forum is that?
Karen, your H was a Sunday School teacher? Wow. My W still puts on the act that she is more religious than myself, like I'm still, in her mind, the heathen she brought in off the street or something.
And regrettably if I too knew then what I know now about W, I would never have gotten involved with her.
--- <journaling>
This has been W's week with the boys. But she had asked me to pick the both of them up from school Monday and Tuesday afternoons (yesterday and the day before). W said that one of her co-workers had a "nervous breakdown", and so W had to fill in some extra hours/patients on account of that shortage of help. I gladly obliged, just as I always do if I've been given enough notice, because I will take any opportunity to spend time with my S's. I picked them up and took them out to eat for dinner each night, keeping them until W got home. We had a good time together.
W could be spending extra time with OM for all I know. But there's nothing I can do or say about that even if she is lying to me and her S's. The point is I don't want her to call upon any of her other dubious, A-enabling friends and exposing our S's to them when they need their father so much more.
As for the OM, W had previously mentioned something about letting a "friend" borrow her "new" car a couple of weeks ago. S7 said something on the way back from dinner last evening that has been fermenting in the back of my mind ever since. He mentioned that his mother got her "new" car back from her friend (which I had already noted to myself this past weekend.) I responded by asking him, "Yeah, I meant to ask, which friend was this?"
S7 said, "OM's wife"
Confused, I said, "Umm, you mean OM, right? Not OM's wife."
S7: "No, it was OM's wife."
Me: "You're telling me that your mommy was letting OM's wife borrow her car? And OM's wife was okay with that? I find that hard to believe. Are you sure you're not mistaken in this, S7?"
S7: "No, I saw her, Daddy, when Mommy picked up the car."
Me: "Really? Was OM there too?"
S7: "Yes."
"Interesting," I muttered and said no more (I had already plied S7 for information too much as it was), while wondering that W was on such good terms with OM's W. Could this be true?
Maybe OM is now the former-OM (FOM) and has gotten back with his W. Or maybe OM's W does not really know about W and OM and their A after all -- maybe when they separated last year she has been unaware this whole time that OM had been (is) cheating on her with my W.
And maybe my W has already moved on to OM #2.
Or maybe it's a lot worse than I ever realized. (I won't go there.)
Or maybe W has been playing me for a fool all this time, allowing me to just think she's been keeping up the A, so I will be less inclined to fight against the D or for the M. Maintaining the exit-affair as a bone of contention between us.
(It's sort of maddening when this BBS doesn't allow more than a couple of attempts to search for messages before telling you can't search any more at this time.)
I remember Bruce's posts from other threads, but have been able to glean only the barest of details about his own sitch.
Not too much time, but had to comment on the possible craziness of your W's life, with OM/OM's W...who knows!!! Isn't it sooo crazy that there is soooo much drama out there and aren't you happy you aren't a part of it!? One night H woke me up (months ago), to get OW's H's cell phone number, my H had pictures of OW (who H had broken up with) flirting and kissing another guy. I looked at H and said, "Its 1am, and you woke me for THIS? Its not even my drama" and I turned around and went to bed.
The point is, let it lie. Let the drama continue to NOT affect you (as long as sons aren't exposed).
I remember that event with your H -- either he must have lost his mind entirely or he was just still trying to keep you embroiled in his drama (or both).
Thanks, you're right. I can appreciate no longer being directly involved in W's mess. I thank the Lord for that. My only concern is that it not unduly affect my S's. Just the fact she's exposing our S's to OM and OM's W, whatever the reason, makes me uneasy.
